Post Hospital Update

We are a week and a half post hospital stay. Home has never been sweeter and never felt so good to Brandon. I would say that other than the patches of hair missing from his arms from where the iv tape ripped it out, he's like his old self, but that just wouldn't be true.

He stands up a little slower, turns a little more gingerly, and has to stop and rest often. He's very aware of the incision that sits right at belt level on his stomach and we quickly became paranoid about any sudden movements the boys made while near Brandon. He's also quickly become quite joyful at the fact that he can eat and isn't in monstrous pain anymore. In fact, just the other day he said to me "hey babe... I think that in a couple of weeks I'm gonna feel like a million bucks!"

Praise. The. Lord!

He has a follow-up appointment in a few weeks with the surgeon, and then one with a new GI doc to talk about a plan for managing the Crohn's. Until that time, he is to pay close attention to what his body can and cannot tolerate, and his only "real" restriction is that he cannot lift more than 10 pounds.

He has had minimal pain and nausea since we've been home and we are so grateful because we've heard stories of quite the opposite. He tires easily and this is very frustrating to him, since he feels better than before, yet his body is still limiting him in what he can do. He gains stamina and strength each day and I can tell he has improved tremendously since discharge day.

We have been showered in love, and prayer, and blessings through this entire ordeal. We have run into people around town who tell us they've been praying for us, had meals paid for, enjoyed delicious dinners, and received generous gifts. Perhaps the best gift of all has been knowing how loved we are and how our God has carefully held us in the palm of His hand through the last month.

I can't seem to find the words to say thank you, but please know, that the sincerest breathe of thanks is on our lips at all times. We felt our community swell up around us and shelter us in our time of need. I think some of you cried my tears and prayed my prayers so that I wouldn't have to bear it alone. Thank you.

Day 11 Hospital Update

Can you believe Brandon has been in the hospital for 11 days?! That's crazy! I have frequently asked myself over the last 11 days "is this real life?!" because I can hardly believe that this is our reality.

But yall... Brandon is doing so good!

His IV line was disconnected (but left in just in case), his pain ball was removed (a snazzy little contraption that was delivering additional pain medication thru a tiny little tube into his stomach right at the surgery site), he's eating food - real food! - and he's walking laps around the nurses' station! Oh, and he's showered and dressed too!

So far so good... and this may be TMI but once things get a movin' and a groovin' through his system (if ya know what I mean), then the surgeon is going to evaluate and he might get to go home!

We are thriiiiiilled at the possibility of him coming home this week! He misses the boys something fierce and I know we'll all sleep better once we're together again! Plus, we're kind of over this whole hospital experience. I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone has been great. Even the housekeeper (Hannah) stopped me in the hall today and said she missed getting to see me yesterday and wanted to know if I had a good day (yeah - we bonded!). But seriously, I won't miss these things:

• sleeping on a "chair/bed" aka a piece of plywood with plether stretched over it that converts into a "sleeping" surface
• fixing my hair in the hospital room
• pumping in the hospital room (and just finally not caring if a nurse or NA walked in while I pumped)
• trying to figure out how to keep said breastmilk cold for extended periods of time after I pumped and before I would get to go home again
• watching my hubby be in pain
• watching my hubby worry
• having to pay to park to visit my husband
• worrying about how the boys are doing not seeing their daddy
• worrying about how the boys will do seeing their daddy in the hospital
• worrying about my hubby while I'm with the boys
• freaking out about germs while being in the hospital
• worrying about work while in the hospital
• worrying about irritating people with my updates
• worrying about imposing on people and accepting copious amounts of help from my friends

Pray with us for discharge from the hospital soon! Continue to pray for no complications and no infection as well. 

In other news, this video made Brandon's day. By the time I got to the hospital today, he had shown all the nurses :) 

Our Very Own Rainbow

Tonight I took the kids to visit Brandon at the hospital. I was excited to learn that on Monday nights, the volunteers bring dinner for guests of patients so our dinner was provided! What a nice surprise!

After the free dinner, things just went south. Brandon started to really not feel good and Paxton was irritable from not having a full nap today. Maverick is cutting a molar and was NOT excited so needless to say, we didn't stay long and told daddy goodbye so we could get home and he could get some rest.

When we got down to the lobby, I looked outside and saw that it was pouring down rain. Not just raining... the heavens absolutely let loose and it was pouring! I decided we would walk the length of the hospital and go out the far doors so we could walk on the bridge that was covered the entire way to the parking deck. We were almost out the second set of sliding doors when the biggest bolt of lightning and loudest crack of thunder I'd ever heard snapped right in front of us. Paxton turned around and bolted back inside and I'm pretty sure I came off the ground a few inches.

Twenty minutes later, I finally convinced Paxton to exit the building, even though it was still storming and we clutched hands while we scurried to the parking deck. I told him how brave he was all the way to the car and all the way down the road. Halfway home, the skies in front of me were bright and sunny - even though it was still raining - and behind me was black. I looked over my left shoulder and saw the biggest and brightest rainbow I'd ever seen. I immediately got Paxton's attention and he looked in awe as I realized this was the first real rainbow he had seen.

"Paxton, do you see that rainbow?!"

"Mom! Its our own rainbow!!! Just for us!"

It was so beautiful and so timely, I was down with claiming it for ourselves too!

Then he said, "Look at that Mom! What do you think it is? I think its God!"

It seems a little cliche, but I can't make this stuff up. With the storm and the hospital in my rearview mirror, and a rainbow and the sunshine in front of me, I couldn't help but think about how that's how things are looking these days... storm behind us, sunshine and rainbows up ahead!

Sunday Update

Today didn't seem that busy, but yet here I am at 9:00 tonight wondering where the day went.

Last night we didn't get much sleep, between the post-surgery discomfort and pains, the nurses coming in to check vitals and give medications, and having to help Brandon get up and use the bathroom. We saw every hour and then some.

Today, he sat up a lot and we walked the halls a few times! Let me just tell you... between that sexy gown, and those smokin' hospital non-slip socks, I practically have to beat the nurses off of him with a stick as we loop the nurses' station. Add in the fact that his arms have splotches of hair missing from the nurses ripping wads of arm hair out from removing IV tape and I can barely keep myself from kissing him every 5 seconds! - insert laughter here - Because, if we didn't laugh sometimes, we'd cry.

But seriously, Brandon is doing great. He looks great, even though I've been giving him a hard time about his sexy hospital socks, he knows I'm kidding and just trying to lift his spirits. I'm so proud of him, because I know how much he still hurts and yet he's doing exactly as the doctors have ordered and he's up and moving trying to help things heal.

Brandon has to do these special breathing exercises 30 times each day to help prevent pneumonia, and he has to walk to help "wake up his intestines." I know he's weak from not eating for over a week, but he's been a champ. Even Vivian (remember Viv?!) told him he's been such a champ, that she wrote "CHAMP" on his whiteboard in his room where his name goes.

Drumroll...

Today Brandon got moved to soft foods! He was so excited to eat that as soon as the orders were entered into the computer, we got on the phone with dining services and got his tray ordered. He ate a few bites of mashed potatoes and mac and cheese, a bite of a biscuit, and a bite of a blueberry muffin. After that first bite of mashed potatoes, Brandon paused and let out an "oooooooooooooh, those are THE BEST mashed potatoes I've ever had!" and we shared a good laugh, because c'mon, they were hospital mashed potatoes.

Hopefully tomorrow his surgeon will come by and tell us what the plan is looking like from here but we do know that day 3 post surgery is the worst day. Please pray for Brandon tomorrow as his body goes through changes and pains that are supposedly really awful. His body is adjusting to and recovering from the trauma it underwent and now that we've introduced solid foods, it is going to wreak havoc on his poor insides. He is really nervous about how painful it will be so I know he will appreciate you praying for him as you think about him tomorrow.

I have to say that my list of people to thank is growing longer by the day, and that the encouragement I have received from our friends has been overwhelming. Your sweet words have helped keep our spirits high and we love you.

A sweet friend sent me this video this morning and I want to share it with all of you. It is beautiful.

Post-Op Funnies and an Update

Didn't someone once say that laughter is medicine for the soul? Boy, did we need some laughter last night because our souls were so sad. Watching Brandon in so much pain was devastating and heart wrenching. If you've ever watched someone you love be in excruciating pain, you know the awful feelings it evokes in you. Like watching your child fall and get hurt and cry that "what-just-happened-to-me?-please-take-this-pain-away" cry.

Misery. Instant knotted-up-pain-in-your-gut misery.

One of the things we joked about before surgery was how I was going to record Brandon as he was waking up from the anesthesia to capture any "funnies." Some people come out of surgery and are a stitch and their YouTube video gets a million hits because they flirt with the nurse post wisdom teeth removal. Brandon was in too much pain in recovery for me to video (although I did take one picture to capture the sheer pain and pitiful moment we shared) but he did say some things that were all at once both precious (and tender) and hilarious.

I got a "Bethanyyyyyyyyy... Thank you for marrying meeeeee" in the recovery room. :)

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I also got a "Bethanyyyyyyy... I love youuuu. You're beautiful... And we have AWESOME kids." :)

<> "Aw babe, I love you too and yes! we do have awesome kids!"

Brandon kept murmuring all evening through the cries of pain "We are so blessed, so so blessed" and telling me how beautiful I am.

How did I end up with this man? This man who has lived for so long in pain and discomfort and yet he's here in his hospital room telling me how beautiful I am. I am so blessed!

He kept asking all evening and into the wee hours of the morning "am I doing ok?" and "do I have a good attitude?" He's a far better patient than I could ever be! The nurses and aides all love him because he is so kind and not demanding at all. He remembers all of their names and when the aide - Vivian - walked in last night, she thought he was asleep so she quietly walked to the other side of the bed and we heard Brandon say "Hey Viv!" ... I guess they're on a personal nickname basis! We got a real kick out of that!

Today, Brandon has been able to get out of bed and sit up to eat. And when I say eat, I mean, he's managed to keep down a few bites of jello and some spoonfuls of chicken broth. Woohoo!

Poor guy. He's been so long without food (over a week now!), and he's so excited that it won't hurt to eat anymore, that he's been dreaming of everything he'll be able to eat once he's out of here. We can't hardly watch tv without hearing a "oooooooooooh yeah" during food commercials and apparently his sense of hearing has been heightened since being here, because he can hear even my stealth-like moves with the fork gliding through the air toward my mouth and comes up with a quick "what are you eating NOW, Bethany?!"<>

The boys came to visit today and that has been the highlight of his day. He has told me over and over that he misses his buddies and that we have awesome kids. Paxton was very good and kept asking Brandon "how you doin' now Dad?" and "can I see where the doctors fixed your belly, Dad?" And Maverick wanted so badly to climb on the bed with Brandon that I had to hold him back! Oh, I can't wait until we can all be at home together again!

His incision site has continued to bleed through the night and today so we are praying for no infection and that it would heal quickly. The pain is being managed fairly well right now and we're trying to stay on top of it so he doesn't get to the place where he was last night.

Thank you for putting up with my constant updates and begs for prayer. We have been overwhelmed with the support we've received and feel so loved. Brandon asks several times a day if I will sit down and read all the messages, texts, and comments to him and I know that is so good for his spirit to know there is an army of supporters out there praying for him. We love you all.

The Waiting Game and Some Good News

Hurry up and wait...

Brandon's surgery was scheduled for noon today but he didn't get taken to the OR until 2:00. We were OK for a while because we spent the majority of the morning praying over Brandon and fellowshipping with dear, sweet friends who came to visit. To those who came to pray with him - thank you! You not only did the single greatest thing you can do for him - pray - but you also helped occupy his thoughts until it was time to go down for surgery. We were able to laugh and share stories and ignore the gnawing ache in our bellies, and for that we are so grateful!

Once back we were back in the OR prep area, we tried passing the time with small talk and taking pictures of his sexy new hat (read: hair net). Then we saw a small child with white blonde hair get rolled past our bay in a crib. The child was sedated and had tubes everywhere. Brandon and I looked at each other and said "things could be worse."

The surgeon told us to wait in Brandon's room and that he would come see us after the surgery was done. He came in a few minutes ago and told us that Brandon did great! He had to take out 18 inches of Brandon's small intestine, that he said was so scarred and swollen that he couldn't have fit the end of a pencil through, it was that bad. He said there was another section of affected intestine but that he didn't feel he could take it out during this operation. He said that we will most likely be able to manage it with medication for a long time but that it might need to come out later down the road.

One of our answers to prayer was that Brandon did not have to have an ostomy bag! We are thrilled that the bag was avoided! Praise the Lord!

Now, we wait again. Wait for Brandon to come out of recovery and wait for him to feel better.

After the surgeon left, I sobbed. I broke down and sobbed 6 days worth of pent up tears and anxiety and thankfulness for all we've been so blessed with. We serve a mighty God. We serve a good God, a very good God.

I cannot seem to come up with the words enough to say thank you to the prayer warriors who have lifted us up and cried out to God on our behalf.

"It is of the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

I don't know about yall, but it sure feels like morning!!

A Big Ball of Nerves and Feeling Inadequate

It's surgery-eve.

Is that a thing? It is now. Its like Christmas Eve, except instead of the giddy anticipation and sheer excitement about what the next morning will bring, there's a knot in the pit of my stomach - like a big burger eaten way too fast that's not going anywhere anytime soon - and my fingers are trembling like I've had too much coffee. The "I know I won't be able to sleep" feeling is the same as Christmas Eve, but beyond that, not much else can compare.

I feel like one of those cheap plastic toys that you pull back until it sounds like you've broken something inside and once you let it go, it zooms across the floor. I'm pretty sure that if I put my running shoes on, I could run for at least 6 miles. I sit down to write this, get up for water, sit down to reply to more Facebook and Instagram messages, get up for more ice cream (yes, I said "more", don't judge me - its been a stressful week, ok?!), sit down to try and finish this paragraph, stand up, sit down, and basically feel like popcorn, since I can't sit still.

I feel like a big fat ball of nerves.

I'm also feeling pretty inadequate. If I can be truthful (and let's be honest, I've said it before and I'll say it now: this is my blog that hardly anyone reads but my mom so I'm always truthful), I feel like this juggler has just ruined the show. We've always joked that I need a clone, because I have so much I want to get done in life and 24 hours in a day just isn't enough time, but I'm serious. I need a clone this week because so far I've only been half a wife and half a mother, and have made serious withdrawals from the friend bank that are landing me with overdraft penalties.

I want to be at the hospital 24/7 with my brave, sweet husband, to hold his hand, and hold him up and yet I'm only able to be there half of the time. Thankfully we have pretty awesome family members who volunteer to stay with him when I cannot be.

It is a crazy, beautiful thing to feel the love that you have for your spouse expand while you're watching him in the eerie glow of a dark hospital room struggle to sleep. With every tick and beep and hum of the machines in the room, I felt the vows that we promised to one another almost 8 years ago thump in my ears.

"In sickness and in health... where you go, I will go, and where you stay, there will I stay also."

I love this man. And, oh! how my heart aches that he is so sick. I'm a fixer, and Brandon will tell you, I pull out any and every piece of advice I can think of to try and help the situation and unfortunately all I can do this time is sit by his side and cry out to God on his behalf. I have no magic solution, no miracle answer.

Mostly all I have is a handful of my inadequate feelings, and a few tears to go with them.

Then there are our boys. Oh, our sweet, precious boys. My Paxton is so worried about his daddy it makes my stomach hurt. He has always been so concerned about others and will think about those who are hurting long after everyone else has moved on. He goes to sleep asking about his daddy, and wakes up begging me to go visit him. He's very aware this time that something is not right and things are not normal. He is such a daddy's boy that I'm worried how this will affect him.

And precious baby Mav. Maverick - the baby God gave us in the midst of a stormy year. The baby whose calm affect has soothed this mama on more than one occasion. I have craved his sweet snuggles more than ever these last few days and I hope he forgives me for not being there to tuck him in each night while daddy is sick.

I have effectively been ineffective at my two primary roles this last week and this morning, for the first time this hospitalization, I broke down. I was glad no one else was around because it was the "ugly cry." I am so frustrated at myself for not being able to carry the torch as both mommy and wife this week and to be quite honest, I'm trying to hold off the "why this is happening to us" monster at the same time. I'm tired, and I'm worried, but I don't have time to be tired, and I can't show that I'm worried and honestly its all a bit exhausting.

I'm also not very good at accepting help from others and I've gotten a big dose of "well I'll show you" this past year because I feel like all I've done is show up at the friend bank for another withdrawal. To the friends I owe debts to, please know that I am deeply deeply grateful to each and every one of you and I am convinced that we have the best family and friends in the world.

If you're reading this and you want to pray for us, we would be so grateful to you. Our God holds us, our nerves, and our inadequacies in the palm of His hand. I'm praying specifically that God would be glorified through our circumstances and that my husband would be wrapped in a supernatural calm over the next 24 hours.

Day 6 of Hospital Stay Number 2

Today is day 3... at least in this hospital... for this particular stay. We were at another hospital for 3 and a half days before we were transferred here, to UNC Hospitals.

Brandon woke up last Friday morning in intense pain (today is Thursday) and tried to get up and go to work. By the time I was supposed to leave for work, I had given Brandon his pain medication and was coaching him through keeping it down. When the pain gets that intense and his intestines are blocked like they were, he starts vomiting violently. Its pretty sad. I talked him through not throwing up the pain medication for about 20 minutes and he was able to get back into bed where he stayed the rest of the day.

We called his doctor and immediately did what he said, hoping we could keep him out of the hospital.

Weeeell, that didn't really work out.

Is this real life? Is my husband in the hospital?!  It has been the most surreal experience. I feel like I'm sitting behind a glass window, watching the world go on their merry way, carrying on as usual - going to work, out for a jog, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, eating out, walking the dog, etc - and here I am, sleeping on a "chair/bed" (more like a glorified piece of plywood with a sheet on top) and flat-ironing my hair in my husband's hospital room. 

Brandon has probably had Crohn's for years and we just didn't know it. The poor guy thought that was "his normal" and just lived with it. The surgeon told us that after surgery, he wouldn't know what to think, he was probably going to feel that good. He said, "In all actuality, you probably don't know what good feels like." I think he's probably right.

Brandon has lived with stomach pain and discomfort for years and while we tried different things - gluten free diet, cutting out sodas, going to a GI doc - nothing seemed to help. Then in March, when we landed in the hospital, he had a complete small bowel obstruction. From years of scar tissue build up and inflammation. I am overcome with sadness for this man. Years. Have you known anyone who has dealt with pain for years? Now you do - Brandon.

They say that the severity at which he experienced his Crohn's flare up this year was triggered by stress. He might have gone years and years with no obstruction had we not experienced the life change that we did this year. He would have endured years of pain and we wouldn't have known it was Crohn's disease. He would have continued to grin and bear it... and the thought of that chills me.

Earlier this year we questioned the severe turn our lives took and begged God to help us handle our new circumstances with grace. We wanted to ask why. Why were things happening the way they were, but we knew better. Because the God we serve is a good God. One who will never put more on us than in us to bear it up. One who cared enough to name each star, and cares for us that much more.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and boy are things coming into focus now! We are thrilled with where our lives are now - other than being in the hospital! - and know that God was and is knitting things together for our good. This last year hasn't been easy, and things are certainly not the same, but we have been stretched and grown so much and we have seen the mighty hand of our Savior at work, with a front row seat!

We covet your prayers for our family during this time and have been overwhelmed by the love of our family and friends. I will continue to post specific prayer requests, because I believe in "you have not because you ask not!"

Today, please join with us as we pray for the following:

• Complete healing!! 
• Clarity and wisdom for his team of doctors
• minimal (or NO) pain and nausea
• a peace about having surgery
• that our boys can maintain some sense of normalcy
• for safety as family and friends travel to and from the hospital
• that our anxiety about other things (finances, work, scheduling etc) would be lessened
• that we can maintain positive attitudes and continue to glorify Christ