I just wanted to take a moment to pause and reflect on how blessed Brandon and I truly are. I just found out that someone else I know had a miscarriage. During the 38 weeks that I have been pregnant, that makes 3 people I know personally who have miscarried. I have been devastated for each of the 3 people and their families because I now understand almost completely the grief that must be overwhelming them. I say almost because I've never lost a baby before but I've carried mine for 38 weeks and I love him so intensely already that I know if I were to lose him, I wouldn't know how to carry on. I have spent the past 9 months of my life preparing for the entrance of this little wonder into our lives and I already feel like "Mommy" to little baby boy. I can't imagine that being stripped away from me before I ever got to meet him. My heart aches for the women I know who have lost their babies before they got to meet them. I find myself crying occasionally for the 2 families I knew before today that miscarried and I'm sure I will mourn for this new family as well. I don't want to mention them by name, but please pray for these 3 women and their spouses and families.
Besides being blessed to have carried my baby this far, Brandon and I are also so blessed by what God has chosen to give us. I know everyone has heard this phrase over and over and thinks it is probably so cliche, but "God's timing is perfect." I cling to this phrase during this phase in our lives because God has a funny way of coaxing you to trust Him. I don't need to go into details but we are facing uncertainty in some areas of our life and in the exact month we are expecting our first baby. I have no doubt that God will carry us through and also no doubt that we are being led through this during this exact time in our life because He wants us to trust him. He wants us to take Him by the hand and let him lead us into darker and darker surroundings until we are blind to what is around us and have to trust His Leading Hand. Frankly I'm not worried for once in my life. I have such a peace about our future that I have not given a second thought to whether we'll be ok or not... I just know we will be. Don't mistake this for arrogance. I have learned before that it is not up to me and Brandon or how hard we try... its about trusting God. In a way, I'm kind of excited that life is lining up the way it is... not that I would choose this way, but since its already been chosen for us, why not buckle up and sit back to enjoy the ride? I know this is all so vague and maybe one day I'll be able to tell you about it, but just know that Brandon and I are so blessed. If I had to count my blessings, I'd probably run out of time before I ran out of blessings.
I'm feeling so incredibly grateful for God's Providence in our lives that I just want to shout it from the rooftops. I have an amazing man who loves me and provides for me, a beautiful son on the way any day, a roof over my head every night, and all the luxuries I need.
Thank you Lord for all you've blessed my little family with. I hope I can honor You enough in my lifetime.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Maternity Pictures!
Ok, I'll try to put these up once we get a disc but for now you can go look at our maternity pictures here on the Big Star Studios website!
We had a BLAST during the shoot and the pictures turned out EXACTLY how we wanted. It is so refreshing to find a photographer who listens to what we wanted- even though I could hardly describe in words what it was exactly that we wanted our pictures to turn out like- and then to get the results back and they be PERFECT! We cannot believe how wonderful the pictures turned out and are so grateful to Emily and Garry for capturing this special moment in our lives, exactly the way we wanted it captured. This is so cliche but so true- "A picture says a thousand words"- and we are forever grateful to you both for documenting our first pregnancy, something that will take me far more than a thousand words to ever tell you about (as you can see from this blog!).
These pictures were taken when I was 36 weeks 6 days.
We had a BLAST during the shoot and the pictures turned out EXACTLY how we wanted. It is so refreshing to find a photographer who listens to what we wanted- even though I could hardly describe in words what it was exactly that we wanted our pictures to turn out like- and then to get the results back and they be PERFECT! We cannot believe how wonderful the pictures turned out and are so grateful to Emily and Garry for capturing this special moment in our lives, exactly the way we wanted it captured. This is so cliche but so true- "A picture says a thousand words"- and we are forever grateful to you both for documenting our first pregnancy, something that will take me far more than a thousand words to ever tell you about (as you can see from this blog!).
These pictures were taken when I was 36 weeks 6 days.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Calling all females...
Ok, I have made an observation throughout my pregnancy that I think could change the world. You think I'm joking. I am not. Since we all know that pregnant women have to use the bathroom a LOT, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I have used a LOT of public restrooms in the last 9 months. My observation is that most public restrooms are not equipped to handle a pregnant woman. If you have ever been pregnant and had to use a public restroom, you know what I'm talking about. For those of you who are either male, haven't been pregnant before, or have forgotten this inconvenience, let me tell you. I walk into a public restroom stall- where the door usually swings into the stall so you don't open the door outward onto someone else in the bathroom- and go to try and close the door. Here is where I encounter a problem. There is NO WHERE FOR MY BELLY TO GO. The first time this was an issue, I was so confused. I tried to close the door and my poor belly stood in between the stall door and the lock. Now, there are several options of solutions, however, most of these INVOLVE ACROBATICS!!!
1. I could either straddle the toilet and hope I drop nothing in the white throne while I attempt to close the door...Not a great choice for someone whose ligaments and joints are loosening and whose balance is completely out of whack.
2. I could stand on TOP of the seat to be able to close the door. Again, not a great option because one slip and I'm looking at my swollen ankle caught in half a foot of toilet water...
3. I can turn around and try to close the door behind my back and hope I can manage to keep my (also growing) rear out of the way while remaining upright. Sounds simple enough but add in a purse and any other objects I may be carrying (shopping bag, cell phone, keys, etc) and this quickly becomes very tricky as well.
4. I could lean back/squat over the toilet seat and close the door. This option is also very tricky because who wants to risk accidentally sitting on the toilet seat with their pants on (especially if the previous occupant has left a bit of a sprinkling surprise on the seat), and remember, add in a purse or other paraphernalia and this, too, is very tough to manage.
I'm sure you're wondering which option I choose to employ... Well it depends on HOW SMALL the stall actually is, but surprisingly, I use option number 4 most often. Even this results in a scrape cross my belly most of the time.
I think men designed these bathroom stalls. I think all women who are engineers/ architects need to come together and make a difference by making sure that all future bathroom stalls that are built or remodeled, have adequate room for a PREGNANT woman to use the bathroom. And by use the bathroom, I mean, just be able to get in there and close the door without major injury.
This may seem silly, but it has been a constant issue for me the last few months and I wanted to speak out. I may be forgetful, clumsy, and eat your dinner, but I have maintained some brain function and wanted to get this out there (before I forget, obviously).
You all have my permission to send this in to the editor of the newspaper.
=)
1. I could either straddle the toilet and hope I drop nothing in the white throne while I attempt to close the door...Not a great choice for someone whose ligaments and joints are loosening and whose balance is completely out of whack.
2. I could stand on TOP of the seat to be able to close the door. Again, not a great option because one slip and I'm looking at my swollen ankle caught in half a foot of toilet water...
3. I can turn around and try to close the door behind my back and hope I can manage to keep my (also growing) rear out of the way while remaining upright. Sounds simple enough but add in a purse and any other objects I may be carrying (shopping bag, cell phone, keys, etc) and this quickly becomes very tricky as well.
4. I could lean back/squat over the toilet seat and close the door. This option is also very tricky because who wants to risk accidentally sitting on the toilet seat with their pants on (especially if the previous occupant has left a bit of a sprinkling surprise on the seat), and remember, add in a purse or other paraphernalia and this, too, is very tough to manage.
I'm sure you're wondering which option I choose to employ... Well it depends on HOW SMALL the stall actually is, but surprisingly, I use option number 4 most often. Even this results in a scrape cross my belly most of the time.
I think men designed these bathroom stalls. I think all women who are engineers/ architects need to come together and make a difference by making sure that all future bathroom stalls that are built or remodeled, have adequate room for a PREGNANT woman to use the bathroom. And by use the bathroom, I mean, just be able to get in there and close the door without major injury.
This may seem silly, but it has been a constant issue for me the last few months and I wanted to speak out. I may be forgetful, clumsy, and eat your dinner, but I have maintained some brain function and wanted to get this out there (before I forget, obviously).
You all have my permission to send this in to the editor of the newspaper.
=)
Friday, July 9, 2010
Amused...
I had to take a moment to write down some of the things that amuse me once I start to think about them...
You know, being pregnant is really like an alien is taking over my body. I've gone through all of these CRAZY changes including (but not limited to!!):
-my taste buds completely changing
-my sense of smell has heightened (and all my senses for that matter!)
-I've been nauseaus more hours than I can even count in the past 9 months
-my skin has stretched to the point where I thought for sure it must explode, rather than stretch any more, but yet it keeps on stretching
-my hips are spreading
-I don't sleep through the night any more
-coffee-one of my favorite things in life- now makes me gag
-my hands and feet are swollen
-my nails grow at an insane rate of speed, in fact if you stare at my hands long enough, you might see my nails grow =)
-I've eaten chicken tenders and fries for the first time in a loooong time instead of salads and yogurt
-I WANT to go to buffets now because I can actually get my money's worth these days =)
-I can't reach my toes, or see them for that matter
-and not to mention I HAVE A LIVING BABY in my stomach!!!
So, my point with all of this is... there have been some crazy things happening to my body and I don't always understand the changes and once I finally figure out what's going on, it just plain makes me chuckle. For example, I'd been telling people for about a week or so (a couple weeks ago) that I thought it was so funny when he would kick at the same rate for a few minutes, like once every 5 or 6 seconds I would feel a thump, because I thought maybe he was knocking "down there" to try and get out. How polite, right? Come to find out... he's been having the HICCUPS!!!!! Now that's hilarious. I thought he was "knocking"!?!?! Amusement number one.
The second thing that amuses me is that people have been asking if I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions where my stomach gets really hard all over. I've said no, but I think I've been having Braxton Hicks and just felt them differently because I've been having moments of what feels like stomach cramps in my lower abdomen. I asked the doctor one day what she thought and she agreed that Braxton Hicks contractions can manifest differently in different women and that I may very well be having Braxton Hicks contractions that feel like stomach cramps. Well, this week at the doctor, the nurse asked me if I've had any contractions or Braxton Hicks contractions and I told her about the cramping feeling and she asked if my stomach ever got real hard. Well, right on cue, my stomach started to feel hard all over and I looked down and said, well, it feels hard, kind of like right now, when he is changing positions. The nurse felt my stomach and said, I think these are Braxton Hicks because it is hard all over and is kind of changing the shape of your stomach. Then, once I started thinking about it, I realized I MUST HAVE BEEN HAVING BRAXTON HICKS CONTRACTIONS FOR WEEKS! I'll tell you why... when we had an ultrasound last week, we were told that he is "sunny side up" meaning, his face is facing towards my belly button, not toward my spine. Every time my stomach had gotten hard and I thought eh was just changing positions, I thought the reason it was so hard was because he had shimmied his back and bottom around and that was what the hard surface was. Uh, negative if his back is by my SPINE! I laughed out loud when I realized this because I'd been so certain I hadn't had Braxton Hicks contractions where my stomach got really hard and come to think of it, I've been having them for probably weeks, if not months now!!! Amusement number 2 for the day.
No one else is probably as amused as I am over these things but I just had to chuckle when I realized how much I didn't understnd some of the crazy changes going on in my body.
Now the question of the day is this: Are the cramping contractions I've been feeling REAL CONTRACTIONS????
You know, being pregnant is really like an alien is taking over my body. I've gone through all of these CRAZY changes including (but not limited to!!):
-my taste buds completely changing
-my sense of smell has heightened (and all my senses for that matter!)
-I've been nauseaus more hours than I can even count in the past 9 months
-my skin has stretched to the point where I thought for sure it must explode, rather than stretch any more, but yet it keeps on stretching
-my hips are spreading
-I don't sleep through the night any more
-coffee-one of my favorite things in life- now makes me gag
-my hands and feet are swollen
-my nails grow at an insane rate of speed, in fact if you stare at my hands long enough, you might see my nails grow =)
-I've eaten chicken tenders and fries for the first time in a loooong time instead of salads and yogurt
-I WANT to go to buffets now because I can actually get my money's worth these days =)
-I can't reach my toes, or see them for that matter
-and not to mention I HAVE A LIVING BABY in my stomach!!!
So, my point with all of this is... there have been some crazy things happening to my body and I don't always understand the changes and once I finally figure out what's going on, it just plain makes me chuckle. For example, I'd been telling people for about a week or so (a couple weeks ago) that I thought it was so funny when he would kick at the same rate for a few minutes, like once every 5 or 6 seconds I would feel a thump, because I thought maybe he was knocking "down there" to try and get out. How polite, right? Come to find out... he's been having the HICCUPS!!!!! Now that's hilarious. I thought he was "knocking"!?!?! Amusement number one.
The second thing that amuses me is that people have been asking if I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions where my stomach gets really hard all over. I've said no, but I think I've been having Braxton Hicks and just felt them differently because I've been having moments of what feels like stomach cramps in my lower abdomen. I asked the doctor one day what she thought and she agreed that Braxton Hicks contractions can manifest differently in different women and that I may very well be having Braxton Hicks contractions that feel like stomach cramps. Well, this week at the doctor, the nurse asked me if I've had any contractions or Braxton Hicks contractions and I told her about the cramping feeling and she asked if my stomach ever got real hard. Well, right on cue, my stomach started to feel hard all over and I looked down and said, well, it feels hard, kind of like right now, when he is changing positions. The nurse felt my stomach and said, I think these are Braxton Hicks because it is hard all over and is kind of changing the shape of your stomach. Then, once I started thinking about it, I realized I MUST HAVE BEEN HAVING BRAXTON HICKS CONTRACTIONS FOR WEEKS! I'll tell you why... when we had an ultrasound last week, we were told that he is "sunny side up" meaning, his face is facing towards my belly button, not toward my spine. Every time my stomach had gotten hard and I thought eh was just changing positions, I thought the reason it was so hard was because he had shimmied his back and bottom around and that was what the hard surface was. Uh, negative if his back is by my SPINE! I laughed out loud when I realized this because I'd been so certain I hadn't had Braxton Hicks contractions where my stomach got really hard and come to think of it, I've been having them for probably weeks, if not months now!!! Amusement number 2 for the day.
No one else is probably as amused as I am over these things but I just had to chuckle when I realized how much I didn't understnd some of the crazy changes going on in my body.
Now the question of the day is this: Are the cramping contractions I've been feeling REAL CONTRACTIONS????
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
36 weeks
So this past week at our childbirth class we watched "the video." I think we alllll know what I mean by that too but juuust in case you don't, it was a video of a birth. It actually wasn't too bad. Maybe that's because I've been forcing myself to watch birth videos online so that I'm not completely freaked out by what will happen to my body. The video actually did a good job portraying how long you can be in the 1st and 2nd stages of labor which is a part of labor I think I keep forgetting about. Not on purpose, but when I've been thinking about going into labor, I've been automatically thinking about my water breaking, then giving birth. I have to remind myself that there will most likely be hours and hours and hours of contractions before it is actually time to "push." I guess its the Hollywood mindset that I need to get rid of. After we watched "the video" we went upstairs for a tour of the labor and delivery unit. The rooms are actually very nice! I was quite pleased. They are big and seem more than adequate to spend 15+ hours in pain in =) The only thing they are lacking are tubs. I've read a lot about how being in a warm tub helps with the pain and most hospitals are equipped with these tubs but ours is not... oh well, I'm not sure if I'd even want to get in the tub or not.
This week Brandon did a great job of getting the baby's room painted and then wallpapered. Thanks to Brittney, Cole, Joan, and Ricky for your help! I managed to wash another load of baby items, mostly clothes from the baby shower, and organize some more of the office. Then the other night I organized under the bathroom sink and threw away a bunch of stuff that I haven't used in ages or I know I'll never use. I don't usually throw things away so this reorganizing the entire house has been monumental for me because I've thrown out bags of stuff! Brandon is very proud of me =)
This past weekend was very fun and very relaxing. On Saturday we had lunch with Brandon and Julie, our friends from Lynchburg, and their daughter Brielle, who is such a cutie pie! Julie is due a month after me so it was fun to get together and talk all things baby =) Then we went to the pool at Brittney and Cole's house and let me just tell you... this pool has been a Godsend. I'm so glad they decided to move into a neighborhood with a pool because I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed being weightless for a little while. Saturday night Rodney and Wendy came over and we all grilled out and had a fabulous dinner and made homemade ice cream. Brittney taught us a card card "nerts" (I have NO idea if I'm spelling it correctly) and I officially got addicted. It was a ton of fun.. my kind of card game for sure! Sunday was a worship concert at church that was great and then we just kind of layed around the house resting and napping until we went to dinner and fireworks with Brittney and Cole and Joan and Brad and Tiffany and all of their church basically. The fireworks were sorry. I mean, the worst fireworks show I've ever seen. It was pathetic and this probably explains why Corben didn't scream bloody murder. Monday I got up at 5 and was at work before 6am so that I could work half a day and then go to Pete and Brenda's for a Fourth of July cookout and pool party get together. It ended up being a very relaxing weekend and I feel recharged, however, I do still look forward to the weekends after only about a DAY of working... I guess I should just be thankful I have a job first of all and second, keep in mind that I will be "off" for 2 months in just a few short weeks.
This is where we are this week!
How far along? 36 weeks 3 days
Weight gain? As of last week by the doctor's scale: 36 pounds... by the scale I used: 34 pounds... either way I feel big as a barn.
maternity clothes? yes and the crazy thing is that some of them feel TIGHT. omg.
Sleep? Yeah, about that. Sleep in 2 hour intervals, alternating waking up to go to the bathroom or because I'm either wimpering or crying from the pain in my hips.
stretch marks? Ok... slight panic attack Monday morning when I realized... I HAVE A STRETCH MARK!!! Seriously not ok with this. I was dealing with the unsightly weight gain because I knew in the back of my mind that if I work hard enough and diet I can lose the weight eventually... HOWEVER, STRETCH MARKS ARE PERMANENT. In fact, I may have to go find a paper bag, stop hyperventilating, and then come back to finish this post...
belly button in or out? Out.
Best moment this week? Having the baby's room wallpapered and almost completely painted (except for the trim!!)
movement? All the time. Have I mentioned that he loves to camp out above my right ribs? Yes, you heard me. He shimmies his way up over my ribs and gets real comfy, meanwhile, my abs are stretching and I'm dealing with what feels like bruised ribs... I will, however, deal with any pain/discomfort as long as he's comfy and healthy =)
food cravings? watermelon. and cool ranch doritos.
Food aversions? coffee
what I'm looking forward to... every doctor's appointment
labor signs (I'm adding this since I'm so close to my due date now!) Last week the midwife did an internal exam and found that I am 50% effaced and that the baby is at station -1. We also had an ultrasound and found out that he weights 5lbs 12 oz!!!
milestones.... The baby's room is almost complete! Next on the list is putting together the crib!!
This week Brandon did a great job of getting the baby's room painted and then wallpapered. Thanks to Brittney, Cole, Joan, and Ricky for your help! I managed to wash another load of baby items, mostly clothes from the baby shower, and organize some more of the office. Then the other night I organized under the bathroom sink and threw away a bunch of stuff that I haven't used in ages or I know I'll never use. I don't usually throw things away so this reorganizing the entire house has been monumental for me because I've thrown out bags of stuff! Brandon is very proud of me =)
This past weekend was very fun and very relaxing. On Saturday we had lunch with Brandon and Julie, our friends from Lynchburg, and their daughter Brielle, who is such a cutie pie! Julie is due a month after me so it was fun to get together and talk all things baby =) Then we went to the pool at Brittney and Cole's house and let me just tell you... this pool has been a Godsend. I'm so glad they decided to move into a neighborhood with a pool because I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed being weightless for a little while. Saturday night Rodney and Wendy came over and we all grilled out and had a fabulous dinner and made homemade ice cream. Brittney taught us a card card "nerts" (I have NO idea if I'm spelling it correctly) and I officially got addicted. It was a ton of fun.. my kind of card game for sure! Sunday was a worship concert at church that was great and then we just kind of layed around the house resting and napping until we went to dinner and fireworks with Brittney and Cole and Joan and Brad and Tiffany and all of their church basically. The fireworks were sorry. I mean, the worst fireworks show I've ever seen. It was pathetic and this probably explains why Corben didn't scream bloody murder. Monday I got up at 5 and was at work before 6am so that I could work half a day and then go to Pete and Brenda's for a Fourth of July cookout and pool party get together. It ended up being a very relaxing weekend and I feel recharged, however, I do still look forward to the weekends after only about a DAY of working... I guess I should just be thankful I have a job first of all and second, keep in mind that I will be "off" for 2 months in just a few short weeks.
This is where we are this week!
How far along? 36 weeks 3 days
Weight gain? As of last week by the doctor's scale: 36 pounds... by the scale I used: 34 pounds... either way I feel big as a barn.
maternity clothes? yes and the crazy thing is that some of them feel TIGHT. omg.
Sleep? Yeah, about that. Sleep in 2 hour intervals, alternating waking up to go to the bathroom or because I'm either wimpering or crying from the pain in my hips.
stretch marks? Ok... slight panic attack Monday morning when I realized... I HAVE A STRETCH MARK!!! Seriously not ok with this. I was dealing with the unsightly weight gain because I knew in the back of my mind that if I work hard enough and diet I can lose the weight eventually... HOWEVER, STRETCH MARKS ARE PERMANENT. In fact, I may have to go find a paper bag, stop hyperventilating, and then come back to finish this post...
belly button in or out? Out.
Best moment this week? Having the baby's room wallpapered and almost completely painted (except for the trim!!)
movement? All the time. Have I mentioned that he loves to camp out above my right ribs? Yes, you heard me. He shimmies his way up over my ribs and gets real comfy, meanwhile, my abs are stretching and I'm dealing with what feels like bruised ribs... I will, however, deal with any pain/discomfort as long as he's comfy and healthy =)
food cravings? watermelon. and cool ranch doritos.
Food aversions? coffee
what I'm looking forward to... every doctor's appointment
labor signs (I'm adding this since I'm so close to my due date now!) Last week the midwife did an internal exam and found that I am 50% effaced and that the baby is at station -1. We also had an ultrasound and found out that he weights 5lbs 12 oz!!!
milestones.... The baby's room is almost complete! Next on the list is putting together the crib!!
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