If you've ever been pregnant, known a pregnant woman, or been married to one, then you know about the craziness of pregnancy hormones. Let's liken it to monthly mood swings on crack. Ok, ok, so that analogy is a bit crude, but forgive me, I'm pregnant... and moody!
Pregnancy hormones can cause anger one minute and pure joy the next. Tears on, tears off. Insurmountable frustration and happy-go-lucky freedom.
This week, I was talking with someone who told me about 2 different couples whose marriages were suffering and they are separated. I know of another couple whose marriage is rocky right now.
I couldn't help myself. I cried, and cried, and cried.
Real conversation:
"But you don't even know these couples that well." More tears.
"I know," (between sobs), "but marriage is supposed to last forever!"
"They might be able to work things out."
"But, separation... that's so serious! That's the first serious step towards, towards... DIVORCE! Don't they know that when they got married, they took a vow before God and each other that they would be there for one another, through thick and thin, sickness and health, good times and bad times!? Don't they remember LOVING each other???"
And I sobbed some more. Because I remember my wedding day, and I remember my vows. I remember committing to Brandon that I would love him all the days of my life, through whatever was thrown our way, and that I would follow him as a loyal friend and partner, wherever God led him.
Then I cried some more, because I thought about our Father and how He has promised to love us, not just until we mess up, but through our mistakes. Wouldn't we be hurt and shocked if He just gave up on us? He is always there and won't ever give us more than we can bear.
I'm no marriage counselor, but here's my advice:
If your marriage is struggling, stop for a minute and remember. Remember what it was like in the days of "puppy love" with your spouse. Now bring yourself back to the present and look at what you have done and what your spouse has done. Have you done all you could humanly possible to show your spouse you cared? My guess is that the love notes in the car or on the counter stopped after the first year, the "just because I love you" gifts stopped shortly after that, and you might have even stopped kissing each other before bed, because it was just easier to go to sleep.
And here's a real zinger. When was the last time you prayed for your spouse?
Not prayers that they would stop being a jerk and screwing up your life, but praying for the man or woman that they are. Praying that God would protect their heart and eyes and mind each day. That he or she would take giant steps forward in the path that God has laid out for them each day. Prayers that he or she would stay healthy, kind, and become wise. Prayers that your relationship would grow in leaps and bounds because of the honest communication you share and because of the commitment you strive and choose to keep each day.
Your spouse is a gift. Personally, I can't imagine a day without mine. God uniquely paired Brandon and I together and designed us for one another. We are a team and even through difficult times, we are committed to one another. We make each other whole. There are times when I withdrawal from the relationship bank and Brandon has to keep on depositing, and there are other times that I am the one depositing, but through it all, we complete each other. I can truly say that one of the best parts about our marriage is our open and honest communication with one another. We have no secrets. We talk about things before they become issues and even if we disagree, we talk about it.
So, you see, my hormones were justified this week. I was broken over these marriages and rightly so.
What has God broken your heart about lately?
What do you specifically pray for your spouse about each day?
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