17 Weeks Pregnant With Baby #2

How far along? 17 weeks
Weight gain? Ummm... 13lbs already! I wanted to fall off the scale at the doctor's office. How is it possible to gain weight this quickly?! Morning sickness? MUCH much better. I've resigned myself to that yucky feeling every morning and practically run to the kitchen to get breakfast as soon as I wake up. I also have to chew minty gum every second I'm not eating. Weird but it helps keep that slight queasy feeling away.
Maternity clothes? Pants still, but I'm trying to rock non-maternity tops for as long as possible. Someone please feel free to prove me wrong, but for the most part, maternity shirts are NOT cute. I just don't have any desire to look like I'm wearing a flowery potato sack. 
Best moment this week? Getting to hear baby #2's heartbeat again at our doctor's appointment! Plus we got to schedule our anatomy scan ultrasound where we'll find out the sex of the baby! Eeeeee!!! SO excited! We will be having a gender reveal party so stay tuned for some (hopefully) "Pin-able" pictures and an update of what baby #2 is!
Movement? Kicks and flips! Baby has been kicking mostly on the right side but I noticed a funny feeling earlier this week and then kicks on the left side! Someone is swimming laps in there! ;) As far as MY movements (aka exercise) I wrote a post about running during the first trimester and will have an update soon on how exercising and running in the second trimester is going. 
Food cravings? Nothing really spectacular still. Totally bummed about this. I guess maybe I should be grateful because cravings could be anything...
Food aversions? Coffee for sure and sweets somewhat. I've actually eaten a few pieces of candy (first time in 4 months!!) and a few random bites of dessert here and there. Then during the middle of this past week, I started thinking non-stop about a blueberry cake donut from Dunkin Donuts and decided to do what my hubby has been telling me "follow your craving", so I did! I scarfed that donut down in about 35 seconds! :) I had to pop a piece of gum immediately afterwards so my tummy didn't get too queasy but it sure was delicious.  
What I’m looking forward to… Finding out the sex of this baby!!

Here is my comparison of pregnancy #1 and #2 in the same week... The picture on the left is me 17 weeks pregnant with baby #1 and the picture on the right is me pregnant now with baby #2! Am I carrying totally different this time or what!?

Hormones Justified... No, Really!

If you've ever been pregnant, known a pregnant woman, or been married to one, then you know about the craziness of pregnancy hormones. Let's liken it to monthly mood swings on crack. Ok, ok, so that analogy is a bit crude, but forgive me, I'm pregnant... and moody!

Pregnancy hormones can cause anger one minute and pure joy the next. Tears on, tears off. Insurmountable frustration and happy-go-lucky freedom.

This week, I was talking with someone who told me about 2 different couples whose marriages were suffering and they are separated. I know of another couple whose marriage is rocky right now.

I couldn't help myself. I cried, and cried, and cried.

Real conversation:

"But you don't even know these couples that well." More tears.

"I know," (between sobs), "but marriage is supposed to last forever!"

"They might be able to work things out."

"But, separation... that's so serious! That's the first serious step towards, towards... DIVORCE! Don't they know that when they got married, they took a vow before God and each other that they would be there for one another, through thick and thin, sickness and health, good times and bad times!? Don't they remember LOVING each other???"

And I sobbed some more. Because I remember my wedding day, and I remember my vows. I remember committing to Brandon that I would love him all the days of my life, through whatever was thrown our way, and that I would follow him as a loyal friend and partner, wherever God led him.

Then I cried some more, because I thought about our Father and how He has promised to love us, not just until we mess up, but through our mistakes. Wouldn't we be hurt and shocked if He just gave up on us? He is always there and won't ever give us more than we can bear.

I'm no marriage counselor, but here's my advice:

If your marriage is struggling, stop for a minute and remember. Remember what it was like in the days of "puppy love" with your spouse. Now bring yourself back to the present and look at what you have done and what your spouse has done. Have you done all you could humanly possible to show your spouse you cared? My guess is that the love notes in the car or on the counter stopped after the first year, the "just because I love you" gifts stopped shortly after that, and you might have even stopped kissing each other before bed, because it was just easier to go to sleep.

And here's a real zinger. When was the last time you prayed for your spouse?

Not prayers that they would stop being a jerk and screwing up your life, but praying for the man or woman that they are. Praying that God would protect their heart and eyes and mind each day. That he or she would take giant steps forward in the path that God has laid out for them each day. Prayers that he or she would stay healthy, kind, and become wise. Prayers that your relationship would grow in leaps and bounds because of the honest communication you share and because of the commitment you strive and choose to keep each day.

Your spouse is a gift. Personally, I can't imagine a day without mine. God uniquely paired Brandon and I together and designed us for one another. We are a team and even through difficult times, we are committed to one another. We make each other whole. There are times when I withdrawal from the relationship bank and Brandon has to keep on depositing, and there are other times that I am the one depositing, but through it all, we complete each other. I can truly say that one of the best parts about our marriage is our open and honest communication with one another. We have no secrets. We talk about things before they become issues and even if we disagree, we talk about it.

So, you see, my hormones were justified this week. I was broken over these marriages and rightly so.

What has God broken your heart about lately?

What do you specifically pray for your spouse about each day?

Take THAT Miss Piggle Wiggle

I’m pregnant. A lot of what I write when I’m pregnant is dictated by one of two things usually: Food and Hormones. Today’s post is sponsored by crazy pregnancy hormones.

Let me set the stage for you.

Growing up, I thought I could never fail. In fact, failure wasn’t even an option in my mind. My mom always told me “You can do whatever you put your mind to” and I believed her - seriously. I thought my mom knew everything and I just knew she was right about that too so I never thought that I wouldn’t succeed when I tried something.

I distinctly remember the very first time I ever* (*and by ever I mean the first big one, the one that counts in my mind) failed. I, on a whim and as my mom recounts the story “in the 5 minutes between school and cheerleading practice”, tried out for the jv soccer team. I didn’t make it. I guess I should have prefaced all of this with the fact that I’d never ever played soccer before, but, nonetheless…

I was devastated.

I cried and cried and cried because the heavy reality that I COULD fail weighed on my shoulders. In my naivety, honestly never considered it an option. It took me about a week to grieve the loss of my “un-failingness” (is this a word?) and then my resolve set in.

You guessed it. I worked my tail off the next year and made the soccer team. I turned failure on its head and created victory! Hooray! (Note: I was never “great” at soccer, but I played the rest of the time in high school and was great at running up and down the field and occasionally kicking the ball.)

Can you sense the next challenge? It wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows after making the soccer team.

My junior year in high school I took honors trigonometry. Throughout my high school career, I was a bit of a nerd and took the highest level in math you could take during that particular school year (another note: I am NOT that great at math either). About the middle of the year, we were sent home with a list of classes we needed to choose for the following year and in keeping with my track record, I chose AP Calculus. {Yes, we did all just shudder together.} I turned in my form and got my final class schedule a few weeks later.

To my shock and dismay, my schedule read “Honors Calculus” instead of “AP Calculus.” For some of you, you might be thinking “so what’s the big deal? Isn’t that better?!” And no, it wasn’t. Not for achieving, thought-she-could-not-fail-Bethany. I wanted a challenge. I didn’t want to pass Honors Calculus with all A’s because that would have left me wondering if I could have done AP just fine.

I went to my Trigonometry teacher, who - Lord forgive me - I cannot for the life of me remember her real name because I’ve always called her Miss  Piggle Wiggle (she really looks like her!), and asked why my schedule had been changed to Honors Calculus.

She said the one thing that a teacher should NEVER ever say to a student – “Oh Bethany, because you won’t succeed in AP Calculus.”

I’m gonna let that sink in for a minute.

…

No, I did not drop out of high school because I was so discouraged. No, I did not go home and cry because I wasn’t good enough. No, I did not report her.

Instead, I went to my guidance counselor’s office, got a little half sheet that said “Parent Override” and had my mom sign and say that I was to be put in AP Calculus my senior year. I went on to my senior year and successfully got a collection of A’s and B’s in my AP Calculus class. About 3 A’s on my report card deep, I marched down the hall to Miss Piggle Wiggle’s room and politely showed her my report card. “I just wanted to let you know that you were wrong. I, in fact, CAN succeed in AP Calculus.”

Take THAT Miss Piggle Wiggle!

Fast forward to today. Many failures and mistakes later, I stumbled across another blog and read a post about motherhood and how easy it is to think that you’re failing at the task while I was at lunch. It altered the course of my day. I cried (almost uncontrollably) throughout my lunch (yes, at a public restaurant) and all the way back to work. I gave myself a few minutes to recover in the parking lot and made my way back inside, bloodshot eyes and all.

I thought the rest of the day about Miss Piggle Wiggle and about my son. If you’re having trouble tying the two together in your mind, let me explain. Sometimes I feel as though I’m a failure to my son. I feel like I’ve let this precious 2-year-old down. Maybe it’s because I reacted to a situation to quickly and inappropriately, or because he won’t listen when I ask him to do something. Maybe it’s because I fed him a combination of Lucky Charms and sliced pepperoni for dinner one night, or because I don’t take him to the park often enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m a horrible parent, but I have my days when I really question whether I’m making all the best choices for my son. I end up comparing us to other families and get discouraged when we don’t match up in certain areas. There are little things that, as a mother, I know you can probably relate to. This little voice in my head says “Well good job, you breastfed your son for 17 months, but you bought all store-bought baby food and never made your own. What were you thinking?” Or “Congratulations, you work hard to help provide for your family, but someone else is raising your son.”

Let me stop right here and say bad decisions or even less favorable ones don’t outweigh the good ones. They don’t cancel out all your efforts to be a good mom. Just because your son put his feet on the table at the restaurant doesn’t mean you haven’t taught him a thousand times that we don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up over things that the little voice in your head is telling you makes you a bad mom.

You’re not a bad mom. You’re just… a mom. One who is trying her hardest to parent her child or children day by day. Newsflash: no one’s child is perfect. That possibility was wiped out long ago when a certain couple ate the forbidden fruit. No one’s family is perfect. I guarantee you that the family that took their child to the zoo, the children’s museum, a birthday party, the library, and to make their own set of pottery in a week fed their kid popcorn and Oreos for lunch. Or they lost their kid at the mall. Or they snapped at their child when he/she dropped the piece of pizza into the tiger cage.  You get my point, right?

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm73:26

Thank you, Lord! I don’t HAVE to be perfect! Where I fail, God will pick me up and be my strength.

4Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.5Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Boil it down to the basics of what you’ve got to do, and this is it. Teach your children lovingly and with good conviction and when they grow up, they won’t forget what you’ve taught them! Tell them that Jesus is Lord and He wants what is best for us.

Keep trying to be a good mom. Because you are. It doesn’t matter what others think of you, what matters is that you make every decision while parenting out of love. I oftentimes have to remind myself that even though we jokingly say in our house “Oh it must be so hard to be a toddler” (complete with an eye roll), I bet it is difficult sometimes to be a child. Most decisions are made for you and you have little control over things. So even when I’m having a pity party about not being a “good mom”, I remember that I’m the only mom my son has and he thinks I’m wonderful.

I think you’re wonderful, too.

So, Miss Piggle Wiggle, take THAT! I passed AP Calculus with flying colors and now I’m raising a handsome and sweet little boy, with another baby on the way and whether you think so or not, I am a good mom and will spend the rest of my days trying to be the best mom to my children I can possibly be.

Round Two

I have an announcement to make, right after I kick myself for not having kept up with this blog. Oh the memories that exist only in the pictures from my iPhone, on Facebook, and in the recesses of my poor memory. I almost feel like I need to mourn the loss of those precious memories, which will unfortunately fade. I am resolving to be better at documenting my memories. Someone, please, keep me accountable.

On to the good news. We're pregnant again! Paxton is going to be a big brother! We are absolutely thrilled and obviously this is what is spurring on my want to blog again. I captured the moments of my first pregnancy and have so enjoyed being able to go back and read through those memories and I want to do the same with this pregnancy. I don't want to forget a thing. Some of it might not be fun, it may be painful, and I might (scratch that, I WILL) complain, but I want to remember it. There's something so precious about reading through my thoughts years later. I get to relive it in a way and that is so so sweet.

So to catch you up on where we are now, here's a little history...

About a year ago we knew we wanted to start trying to have another baby. In fact, it was a little over a year ago and the funniest thing happened. Once Brandon and I agreed we were ready for Baby #2, Paxton got very very sick. So sick, we ended up in the Emergency Room on Christmas night. We didn't sleep for 3 days. We reevaluated and decided we weren't quite ready for that kind of a night plus a baby. We waited. A few weeks later we decided we were ready. Paxton got sick. Very sick. We didn't sleep for 3 days. We reevaluated and decided to wait. A few weeks later, we're ready. Repeat process of Paxton getting sick, us not sleeping, having terrified thoughts of crazed sleepless nights and a baby on top of all that. For literally 6 months this happened to us. Then we decided, ya know, maybe the timing just isn't right. Brandon is a little more keen to this than I am.

Then just a few weeks ago I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. It was very early on- only 4 weeks- and we were so excited to tell our families. BUT, we got the flu. Paxton got it first and even though I was determined not to get it - afterall I had gotten my flu shot this year AND I lysoled everything in my house (literally everything, including the shampoo in the shower and milk in the fridge. I wasn't messin' around) - I got it anyways. I started having a sore throat Tuesday night and by Wednesday morning I knew I had the flu. I went to the doctor and we decided not to do Tamiflu because they weren't sure of the effects on babies in utero. It was a painfully long and miserable week. Many many thanks to my husband, the hero, who cared for us, and for the families from church who made us homemade soup. I was so disappointed that we wouldn't be able to tell our families that weekend.

Then the following Friday, I woke up (6 weeks pregnant) with a not so lovely and all too familiar feeling- morning sickness- and despite the sleet and snow, we drove to Lynchburg to stay with my mom and Deryl for the weekend. They didn't ask why we made the trek through the dangerous weather to get there and once we arrived we had Paxton ask MawMaw to read him his new book, I'm a Big Brother. The look on my mom's face was priceless. It was frozen in shock and then overjoyed! It was totally worth waiting 2 whole weeks to tell her! Congratulations MawMaw! You'll have another grandbaby soon!

While we were there, Josh and Christa came over for dinner and to hang out and mom asked if anyone wanted coffee after dinner. I declined mainly because I didn't want even a cup of decaf to keep me up that night but she and Christa wanted some so she started to brew the coffee. I was sitting at the end of the dining room table and a few minutes into the brewing, the smell reached me and I clamped a hand over my mouth and nose and gagged. I was in shock. With my first pregnancy I had a major aversion to coffee and it made me so sick that I couldn't drink it, smell it or be around it without becoming super nauseous and sick. With Paxton the aversion came on slowly but this time it hit me like a freight train. I spent an hour and a half in the bathroom and bedroom trying to recover from the smell of the coffee. Poor mom ended up taking the Keurig into her bedroom and brewing her cup of coffee the next morning out of the open area where I couldn't smell it. She's so thoughtful!

When we got back home, we planned to have Brandon's family over for dinner Sunday night. Somewhat suspicious since we don't do that often, and only Brittney, her kids, and Joan were there at first. Brad and Jessica (and friends haha!) came soon afterwards, but we missed having Nana and Pop too. We had Paxton pray for dinner and with only a little prompting from Brandon, he prayed also for the baby in mommy's belly. Joan wasn't shocked. She said she had a feeling that's why we were having everyone over for dinner but Brittney was shocked! She had no idea! And I was shocked she was shocked! I felt like I had dropped so many clues and that I thought surely she knew!

Here's how I'm feeling right now:

How far along? 10 weeks 5 days

Weight gain? 5lbs already! I’ve slacked on the running lately because of all the morning sickness and exhaustion and have been famished!

Morning sickness? YES. Oh yes. But this is 24/7 all day all night sickness. Starting promptly when I was 6 weeks pregnant, I have been green around the edges day and night. I’ve left work in the middle of the day (leaving everything except my keys!), hugged the white throne, and practically thrown the laptop mid-deal-posting for fear of losing my breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Pray for me!

Maternity clothes? not yet. I pretty much refuse to wear any maternity clothes until I reach the second trimester. I did have to buy new pajama bottoms that were a little less tight around the waist but I’m totally not counting that 

Best moment this week? Seeing my baby during the ultrasound today. I cried, well, like a baby, actually. Pun fully intended.

Movement? Not yet. He/she is moving, we saw that in the ultrasound, but I can’t quite feel it yet.

Food cravings? Not really, unless you count that week where I only wanted BBQ bacon cheeseburgers and that morning I had fish sticks for breakfast. Other than that, no cravings except for wanting whatever will make me feel less nauseous right then.

Food aversions? Coffee, just like in my first pregnancy, and -gasp- SWEETS. There is something majorly wrong with me. I LOVE sweets. Let me repeat. I LOVE SWEETS. But I canNOT stomach even the THOUGHT of something sweet right now. All desserts, breakfast foods that are sweet, all fruit, and even any vegetables that are slightly sweet make me gag and my stomach turn in circles. Literally. I opened a yogurt for my son the other morning, didn’t think about it and licked my finger, and almost had to bolt for the bathroom. So sad. So, so sad. 

What I’m looking forward to… hearing the baby’s heartbeat in a few weeks.

A big ole fat chocolate milkshake

Today at work, there was a health fair. I found out my cholesterol, my blood pressure, my bmi, my waist size, and my weight. My weight... Ahh yes, this numerical enemy that haunts every female, especially after giving birth. I have to be honest. I got on the scale and hollered out loud because I realized that for the first time since bringing little Paxton into this world, I am at my pre-pregnancy weight! And since I obviously had to explain the loud explosion, the lady working the "weigh in station" said, "well gosh, I guess you'll be excited to know that most people are saying consistently that this scale is 3 pounds off... so you're actually 3 pounds lighter than that!"

WOOHOO! Not that I've been really stressed over it because I'm breastfeeding and that truly has been the best diet ever, but I was wondering when I'd reach my pre-pregnancy weight. And for those of you faithful readers (probably only my mom and my sister-in-law haha!) if you remember, before we started trying to get pregnant, I lost 10 pounds, so I am actaully lighter than I had been for a few years straight! YAY!

All this to say... I'm celebtrating the realization that I now weigh less than my pre-pregnancy weight... with a BIG OLE FAT CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE! (seriously, I am).

HE'S CRAWLING!!

Ok folks! PAXTON IS OFFICIALLY CRAWLING!!! My kid is mobile! Ahhh, he's growing up way too fast!

Brain Dump

So because I haven't blogged in foreverrrr, I thought I'd just do a brain dump of everything that's going on. Keep your arms and legs inside at all times and hold on tight because here we go!

• my little brother popped the question... congrats Josh and Christa =) so excited for you two, I hope you love and respect each other for all the rest of your days and wish nothing less than a lifetime of adoration for one another and happiness.


• i've discovered flavor-blasted goldfish (thanks to my coworker, Kelly)- if you haven't ever tried them... DO! Disclaimer: if you don't want to add a new addiction in your life, DON'T! They are delish...and really do have flavor packed in them!! haha


• we cleaned out my car (finally... I live out of my vehicle, bad I know, but a direct result of such a busy life!!) and went to one of those car wash joints where they roll your car through the washing thingy and then all these little boys (well not little really, more like high school and college aged guys) run around and wipe off all the water and then clean the inside for you too. It was my first time at one of these kinds of car wash places and such a learning experience. Fun fact: did you know that no one drives your car through the washing part? It is pushed by little roller thingys.


• Paxton now eats baby food like a champ! He has eaten (and LOVED!) sweet potatoes, pears, peaches, and bananas. At night, I mix in rice cereal in hopes that it will sit in his tummy a little longer and we can all sleep a little more.


• I have successfully unsuccessfully tried to sleep train Paxton 3 times now. The wildly crazy thing is that I sort of like getting up in the middle of the night with him. I know, I MUST be out of mind (kind of like how I kinda sorta maybe might miss being pregnant, even though I swore I would never ever say that since I was so nauseas and so fat) but I'm not saying I don't miss my sleep, I'm just saying that there's something special about cuddling with my baby when all of the world is sleeping... after he's back asleep, I usually hold him and kiss his face all over and contemplate sleeping the rest of the night in the rocker, holding him on my chest... then gently lay him back in his crib.


• Paxton can now roll from back to tummy to back (to tummy to back to tummy to back... all across the living room floor)


• I got a new job, maybe one day I'll share this crazy story


• Paxton weighed 21lbs 8 oz at his doctors appointment 2 weeks ago... crazy kid!


• My neice, Collyn, was put in the PICU last week because she had RSV and was having trouble breathing. Thank the Lord she is home and doing MUCH better. She is only 3 weeks old and I love her.


• If anyone was worried about my pre-pregnancy twizzler addiction... don't worry, its back. In full force. Like, I have a "family-size" bag in my purse as we speak. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I'm almost there =)


• Did I tell you I hurt my foot this past fall? Not sure how and not exactly sure when but I was in one of those fabulously fashionable black orthopaedic boots for 9 weeks... and it still hurts. I've got to go back to the doctor before it gets warm out because i'm going to want to run and right now, I want to just cry.


• I love my husband more now than I ever have before.


• I also love my ipad (bahahaha, inside joke that only Brandon will get)