Our Maverick turns 17 months old this week. Where did the last 17 months go? It rushed past me like a gust of wind and was gone before I realized what hit me!
I tried to be one of those moms who was so put together and took a picture every month with a sign or a sticker on his onesie that told what month it was... but it just didn't work out. I have a girlfriend who does themed photo shoots for practically every holiday and I am so impressed with her. I don't know how she does it! I can barely make sure that each kid has a clean pair of pants to wear the next day, let alone plan themed photo shoots for Valentine's Day, Easter, and St. Patty's Day! (Just a note: I am working on being this organized, but this is serious work people... serious work.)
Maverick is 17 months old and quite the character. He is running circles around us (and climbing them around us too!) and says a few words, like Mama, Daddy, puppy, blues (blueberries), night night, bye bye, hot, more, and down. He can also sign the word more in sign language. Maverick will eat pretty much whatever I give him, especially if he sees it come right off of my plate. He likes to dump his water out of his sippy cup onto his high chair tray and swirl it around with whatever food bits are on there to make a big mess. He also likes to throw food on the floor and will look us directly in the eyes as we tell him no and still throw it on the floor. He can now go up AND down the stairs, and can even go under the baby gate to get up the stairs.
Paxton and Maverick love playing with one another and they are such sweet brothers. They also love to wrestle one another... or I should say that Paxton loves to wrestle Maverick to the ground and Maverick will go along with it until he's had enough. Maverick thinks its funny to take Paxton's toys when he isn't looking and then watch as Paxton throws a fit or freaks out that Maverick is sitting there calmly with all of Paxton's Star Wars figurines, or both of his light sabers. This kid is a trip! He's also about 5 times as stubborn as Paxton. Lord, HELP US. #butseriously There are days when I don't think I can tell my child any more "don't hit mommy" and then that chubby little hand comes flying through the air and connects with my forehead. I've tried acting like I'm crying and sad, I've tried popping his hand, I've tried fussing, and now I've moved on to grabbing his hand and giving it kisses and shushing him and saying "no no, don't hit Mavvy"... any help here, people??
If we can come to an agreement that I'm the mommy and he's the baby, and he will give up just paaaart of that stubborn streak, I know we'll go far. But, its not like I don't know where he got that from... oops!
But, stubbornness aside, I knew this month would hold special meaning for me with Maverick because I nursed Paxton until he was 17 months old and I wanted to nurse Maverick at least that long. I'm not one to make a huge fuss about whether women breastfeed or formula feed their kids, because quite frankly it isn't any of my business, nor do I have a say, and plus, I breastfed and formula fed Paxton. Maverick was exclusively breastfed and I was so glad I was able to do that this time. I felt a lot more knowledgable about breastfeeding this time around and I was very determined to save us money by not having to buy formula. Plus, I very selfishly relished every moment that I got to be with Maverick while I nursed him and felt like that time was such a gift. Not every woman can breastfeed and I could have been one of those women.
You're probably thinking that 17 months is a long time to breastfeed a baby, and you're right. It is a very long time. But don't worry, I'm not laying him across my lap at the dinner table and nursing him at every meal. I nurse him just before bed each night and I'm already sad because I can tell that we are weaning more and more each day. I honestly don't know what I'll do when the day comes that I'm not producing any more milk or he doesn't have an interest. It is such an intimate time I share with my baby, and even though he's getting older and bigger, he's still my baby and I don't plan to let him nurse until he's 5, just until it naturally fades into the background. I've been holding my breath these last few months because I was afraid he would naturally wean himself before he was 17 months old and I had that silly number in my mind just because it was what I did with Paxton.
Paxton naturally weaned himself at 17 months because he got a cold and couldn't breathe through his nose, so by the time he could nurse again, he wasn't interested, and I had stopped producing milk. It was days after we stopped nursing that I became sad and the realization that we had stopped hit me. I was mentally prepared, but I've been mentally preparing myself with Maverick for months now. If Maverick is my last baby, then this will be my last time experiencing this special bond with a child. If you're a nursing mom, or ever have been, then you probably know just how wonderful it can be. Sure, there were times when I had blistered and bleeding nipples (TMI?! maybe... but fact of life, yes.) and I cried before he even began to eat, but I stuck with it, was proud of myself, and came to love and even crave that time with my baby. It's like the ultimate in feeling needed. And, babies are awesome, so putting the 2 together, you come up with a pretty amazing feeling :)
I can't believe I wrote this much about nursing my baby, and I'm sure some people will think that 17 months is entirely too long, but I've cherished every moment of it and I know I'll cry when this part of his life is over.
Here's to a wonderful 17 months with my sweet Maverick, and a lifetime of joy with you to come!
Monday, February 9, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
DIY Iron On Baby Onesies
DIY Iron On Baby Onesies
I knew when I decided to throw a baby shower for one of my close girlfriends, that I wanted to do a little something different since this was her second baby. I didn't want to play all the usual baby shower games, like guessing how big around her belly was by cutting lengths of ribbon or guessing which candy bar was melted in each diaper (this game is just so wrong! haha!) since those seemed more like first time mom baby shower games. I also knew I wanted all of the guests to be able to create something for the mom-to-be to take home and keep. I talked with a friend of mine and we decided to go with making onesies for the baby. I thought iron-ons would be easiest, but the iron-on appliques are so expensive! When you're throwing a baby shower and thinking about buying a onesie for each guest to decorate, plus an iron-on applique for each guest, the cost per person really adds up! SO, my friend suggested that we create our own designs and iron them on with iron-on transfer paper.
Have you ever used iron-on transfer paper?! It will change your life.
You will want to take every plain article of clothing, every blank cloth object you own, and every scrap of undecorated fabric in your home, and iron on cute designs. #butseriously
How to DIY Iron On Onesies:
My friend printed off several cute designs from her computer on plain computer paper (like the cute little birdie above), and we cut them out and picked out fabric from the scraps she brought - you don't need much fabric at all to do this kind of a project. Then we ironed the transfer paper on to the fabric and pinned the cut out pattern to the fabric so we could cut the fabric out in the shape of the pattern. After the fabric shapes were cut out, they were ready to iron on to the onesies (transfer paper side down of course!). Voila! You're done and have a super cute iron-on onesie done with contact paper and your favorite fabric!
This was such an easy and fun project to do at a baby shower! We all had such a fun time while we were picking out patterns and fabrics for our iron on projects and then creating adorable keepsakes for our littlest love on the way.
Have you ever used iron on transfer paper? The ideas for craft projects with transfer paper are endless... onesies, bibs, lovies, blankets, burp cloths, diaper bags, washcloths, etc! Eeek!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Thankful Things Aren't Worse
After my last post about ending our crazy 2014, I got an overwhelming amount of responses from you. It took a long time to go through and process the comments, messages and texts from everyone and I've spent a long time thinking back through what I wrote.
My reaction to a few of the responses was immediate guilt. I confessed to Brandon that I felt guilty for even writing any of our story down because we could have had it so much worse. Memories of my friends who lost precious babies flashed through my mind. I thought of one friend who said goodbye to her sweet mama this year and my problems immediately shrank. My mind drifted to those that I know who are battling cancer - who are weak and tired and sick from chemo and radiation and surgery.
A friend of mine sent me a message and told me this:
That struck such a chord with me and I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it. I struggled with this before this year... I would find myself wishing things were better (or different) instead of thanking God that things weren't worse. After the year we had, I've found I don't have time to wish things were better, but I've been overwhelmed with praise and thankfulness that we've had the trials we've had, and not worse ones! To my friend who put it so eloquently, thank you!
I think I will silently relive pieces of our year for a long time... how could I not?! The moments I wrote about feel so fresh and real that they could have happened yesterday. I think we're supposed to remember moments like those so we can grow and move forward.
In one short year, I saw my husband both confident in the hard work and long hours he was putting in at work, and weak and begging for help from a post-op hospital bed. Have you ever seen your other half so vulnerable it makes you cry? It is a humbling moment for sure. I wiped salty tears from my cheeks while I watched my tall (dark and handsome too!) sweet husband writhe in that hospital bed, begging me to make it stop. He never spoke above a whisper, but quietly pleaded with me to help him. The wires he was hooked up to led to machines that beeped and hummed with what seemed like the very sounds of his pain. I grieved for I could not make it better.
Parts of our year seem fuzzy around the edges, almost like they were bits of a dream, instead of what we really went through. I think God dulls the sharp edges of the harsh times, so that we can still stomach the memories of them, long after they're over. To be quite honest, I still can hardly believe that I spent several nights pumping breast milk for my baby, and laying on a fold out hospital chair-bed to sleep, inches from my husband's IV pole.
Was that even reality?
It was ours for a brief time, and I can't seem to express my gratitude enough for God's grace to us during the past year.
My reaction to a few of the responses was immediate guilt. I confessed to Brandon that I felt guilty for even writing any of our story down because we could have had it so much worse. Memories of my friends who lost precious babies flashed through my mind. I thought of one friend who said goodbye to her sweet mama this year and my problems immediately shrank. My mind drifted to those that I know who are battling cancer - who are weak and tired and sick from chemo and radiation and surgery.
A friend of mine sent me a message and told me this:
It's hard to bring yourself to a place of such faithfulness that you can be thankful that things aren't worse, instead of wishing they were better. There's a big difference between the two!
That struck such a chord with me and I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it. I struggled with this before this year... I would find myself wishing things were better (or different) instead of thanking God that things weren't worse. After the year we had, I've found I don't have time to wish things were better, but I've been overwhelmed with praise and thankfulness that we've had the trials we've had, and not worse ones! To my friend who put it so eloquently, thank you!
I think I will silently relive pieces of our year for a long time... how could I not?! The moments I wrote about feel so fresh and real that they could have happened yesterday. I think we're supposed to remember moments like those so we can grow and move forward.
In one short year, I saw my husband both confident in the hard work and long hours he was putting in at work, and weak and begging for help from a post-op hospital bed. Have you ever seen your other half so vulnerable it makes you cry? It is a humbling moment for sure. I wiped salty tears from my cheeks while I watched my tall (dark and handsome too!) sweet husband writhe in that hospital bed, begging me to make it stop. He never spoke above a whisper, but quietly pleaded with me to help him. The wires he was hooked up to led to machines that beeped and hummed with what seemed like the very sounds of his pain. I grieved for I could not make it better.
Parts of our year seem fuzzy around the edges, almost like they were bits of a dream, instead of what we really went through. I think God dulls the sharp edges of the harsh times, so that we can still stomach the memories of them, long after they're over. To be quite honest, I still can hardly believe that I spent several nights pumping breast milk for my baby, and laying on a fold out hospital chair-bed to sleep, inches from my husband's IV pole.
Was that even reality?
It was ours for a brief time, and I can't seem to express my gratitude enough for God's grace to us during the past year.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Happy New Year
2014 was quite the year. The irony of the situation is that we thought 2013 was eventful. Ha. Haha. Hahahhahahaha. That's so funny now. In 2013, we found out we were pregnant with our 2nd baby, put our house on the market, sold our house, moved in with my mother-in-law, began building a house, gave birth to baby Maverick, merged churches, and totaled my car.
Phew. I know. I'm exhausted just thinking about it too.
Oh, but wait. 2014 was more jam-packed and eventful than that. Here's the abbreviated version:
In 2014 we moved into our new house, bought a new car, found out in January that my department at work was going to be dissolved at the end of the school year, Brandon lost his job in the middle of February, Brandon was hospitalized and diagnosed with Chron's Disease in March, the week before I lost my job I accepted a position at a new company, we searched for a church, found a church, and fell in love with a church. Brandon got a job driving a forklift (hated every moment but bless his heart, worked 2nd shift every night anyways), we both turned 30, our sons turned 4 and 1, and Brandon got a job with a dental lab and almost a month in had another intestinal blockage, was hospitalized and had surgery to remove 18 inches of his small bowel. He was out of work for weeks, and he was hired part-time bi-vocationally with Restoration Church.
Phewwww.
This post could be so long. Seriously. I have so much to say about the year and am so emotional about the year coming to a close. Over the last few weeks, yes, I've thought about Christmas and the busyness of the holidays, but over and over, I've thought most about how the craziest year of our lives is coming to a close. My throat gets thick with emotion when I think about what we've been through. I think about the ugly cries I've cried, the screams the inside of my poor car has endured, and the knots in my stomach I've tried to banish.
There are moments in this year I'll never forget. Like the day I met Brandon for lunch and sat in the warm sun by the window, only to cry a puddle onto my chicken salad sandwich and shake from cold and fear when he told me he'd lost his job. Have you ever had the world crash into itself because it came to such an abrupt halt? Like a pickup truck putting on the brakes too late and slamming into the back of an SUV? That's what our world did during lunch that day. February 17th. Most people don't know the whole story, and probably never will, and that's ok. I think its probably supposed to stay that way. Just be sympathetic and understand that our perfectly-in-order-world came crashing to a stop, and veered on a drastically different path that day, not by choice, but by divine intervention.
Even though that moment was clearly the most wrecking moment of our year - and possibly our lives - we wouldn't change a thing. You see, after that moment - the one where I couldn't bring myself to eat tear-soaked chicken salad - we were pushed down a different path and we would have never ended up here - this place where we're so grateful and humble - if we hadn't lived that one moment. It was the catalyst to the rest of our lives.
That moment bleeds into the next big one... the one where I begged Brandon to just make it down the stairs and into the car, because if I could get him in the car, I could get him to the hospital, but I knew I wouldn't be able to carry him, so he had to walk. The moment where I listened through the bathroom door to my husband vomit until there was nothing left, anxious and trembling, barely able to hold the phone up and talk to my mother-in-law. The moment when, stomach clenched and hands sweaty, the doctor revealed that my husband - my strong and able husband - would be admitted to the hospital for an intestinal blockage and a Crohn's diagnosis. That moment where I literally felt like it was an out of body experience, walking behind my husband's stretcher as he was wheeled to his inpatient hospital room.
Those moments gave our boys 5 months with their daddy at home during the day, just when we needed childcare. God is so good, isn't He?! His timing is perfect and His stories are perfect-fitting puzzle pieces. Just when our world had turned upside down, God gave our precious boys what they needed most in the world - time with their daddy. We cherish this part of 2014. What a blessing.
Then there was the moment late in May when my anxiety was rising, my hair was falling out, and my stomach was sinking. I knew my job was ending at the end of May and I had applied and interviewed for so many jobs, and none of them seemed to work out for one reason or another... there was that moment, exactly 9 days before I was to be without a job, when I was offered a job at an amazing company... just 5 minutes down the road. The day before our family left to go on a vacation that we had planned and paid for before all the chaos in our year happened. The day before I surely would have lost my mind with worry. The day before my trust wavered. The day before I doubted our story. God's timing is perfect. Oh what beautiful timing. I was able to enjoy our vacation... thank you Lord, for you are good!
There was a moment in August, when, incredulously, my husband looked at me with trepidation and asked me to take him back to the hospital. Exhausted from vomiting and anguish, crippled with fear because we had no insurance, and pale with worry, my poor sweet husband got into the car, and we made an eerily similar trek to the hospital as we had done just 5 months before. That moment bled into the next, when I got a phone call at work that Brandon was being transferred to UNC Hospitals in Chapel Hill. Oh my dear good Lord, why?! Because he was to have major abdominal surgery, by the best GI surgeon in the state, that's why. With no insurance, remember... Oh, Lord, how does this piece fit in the puzzle?! Because we just don't see it!
One of my favorite moments of the year was another phone call moment. Put your seat belt on folks, because this moment will blow you away! I got a phone call from Brandon at work, telling me that a large portion of the bill will most likely be removed.
I had wracked my brain thinking of ways to make money, think of things to cut out, how to cut back, and God decided to take a large portion of the bills away.
We still owe a lot of money (co-pays, deductibles, co-insurances, and credit card bills from paying out of pocket expenses all summer for Brandon's care and medications), but praise be to God, it's not $100 grand like it was!!!
**Update from the original post: I want to add that we covet your continued prayers over this situation. Please join with us as we trust the Lord in taking care of our finances because we know that this is His handiwork and we believe He wants to take care of the bills. We will continue to update as the Lord provides and I will add back the most amazing part of this story once things are finalized.
God's timing is perfect.
See, we would have never come to trust Him as we've done over the past year if we hadn't lived these moments. We would not have grown closer together and experienced true desperation, fear, and joy as a couple if the story were any different. We would not be the people we are today - stronger, more humble, more gracious - if we had lived easier, more simple moments. Our faith would not have been tested and grown if our 2014 had been different than it was.
Phew. I know. I'm exhausted just thinking about it too.
Oh, but wait. 2014 was more jam-packed and eventful than that. Here's the abbreviated version:
In 2014 we moved into our new house, bought a new car, found out in January that my department at work was going to be dissolved at the end of the school year, Brandon lost his job in the middle of February, Brandon was hospitalized and diagnosed with Chron's Disease in March, the week before I lost my job I accepted a position at a new company, we searched for a church, found a church, and fell in love with a church. Brandon got a job driving a forklift (hated every moment but bless his heart, worked 2nd shift every night anyways), we both turned 30, our sons turned 4 and 1, and Brandon got a job with a dental lab and almost a month in had another intestinal blockage, was hospitalized and had surgery to remove 18 inches of his small bowel. He was out of work for weeks, and he was hired part-time bi-vocationally with Restoration Church.
Phewwww.
This post could be so long. Seriously. I have so much to say about the year and am so emotional about the year coming to a close. Over the last few weeks, yes, I've thought about Christmas and the busyness of the holidays, but over and over, I've thought most about how the craziest year of our lives is coming to a close. My throat gets thick with emotion when I think about what we've been through. I think about the ugly cries I've cried, the screams the inside of my poor car has endured, and the knots in my stomach I've tried to banish.
There are moments in this year I'll never forget. Like the day I met Brandon for lunch and sat in the warm sun by the window, only to cry a puddle onto my chicken salad sandwich and shake from cold and fear when he told me he'd lost his job. Have you ever had the world crash into itself because it came to such an abrupt halt? Like a pickup truck putting on the brakes too late and slamming into the back of an SUV? That's what our world did during lunch that day. February 17th. Most people don't know the whole story, and probably never will, and that's ok. I think its probably supposed to stay that way. Just be sympathetic and understand that our perfectly-in-order-world came crashing to a stop, and veered on a drastically different path that day, not by choice, but by divine intervention.
Even though that moment was clearly the most wrecking moment of our year - and possibly our lives - we wouldn't change a thing. You see, after that moment - the one where I couldn't bring myself to eat tear-soaked chicken salad - we were pushed down a different path and we would have never ended up here - this place where we're so grateful and humble - if we hadn't lived that one moment. It was the catalyst to the rest of our lives.
That moment bleeds into the next big one... the one where I begged Brandon to just make it down the stairs and into the car, because if I could get him in the car, I could get him to the hospital, but I knew I wouldn't be able to carry him, so he had to walk. The moment where I listened through the bathroom door to my husband vomit until there was nothing left, anxious and trembling, barely able to hold the phone up and talk to my mother-in-law. The moment when, stomach clenched and hands sweaty, the doctor revealed that my husband - my strong and able husband - would be admitted to the hospital for an intestinal blockage and a Crohn's diagnosis. That moment where I literally felt like it was an out of body experience, walking behind my husband's stretcher as he was wheeled to his inpatient hospital room.
Those moments gave our boys 5 months with their daddy at home during the day, just when we needed childcare. God is so good, isn't He?! His timing is perfect and His stories are perfect-fitting puzzle pieces. Just when our world had turned upside down, God gave our precious boys what they needed most in the world - time with their daddy. We cherish this part of 2014. What a blessing.
Then there was the moment late in May when my anxiety was rising, my hair was falling out, and my stomach was sinking. I knew my job was ending at the end of May and I had applied and interviewed for so many jobs, and none of them seemed to work out for one reason or another... there was that moment, exactly 9 days before I was to be without a job, when I was offered a job at an amazing company... just 5 minutes down the road. The day before our family left to go on a vacation that we had planned and paid for before all the chaos in our year happened. The day before I surely would have lost my mind with worry. The day before my trust wavered. The day before I doubted our story. God's timing is perfect. Oh what beautiful timing. I was able to enjoy our vacation... thank you Lord, for you are good!
There was a moment in August, when, incredulously, my husband looked at me with trepidation and asked me to take him back to the hospital. Exhausted from vomiting and anguish, crippled with fear because we had no insurance, and pale with worry, my poor sweet husband got into the car, and we made an eerily similar trek to the hospital as we had done just 5 months before. That moment bled into the next, when I got a phone call at work that Brandon was being transferred to UNC Hospitals in Chapel Hill. Oh my dear good Lord, why?! Because he was to have major abdominal surgery, by the best GI surgeon in the state, that's why. With no insurance, remember... Oh, Lord, how does this piece fit in the puzzle?! Because we just don't see it!
One of my favorite moments of the year was another phone call moment. Put your seat belt on folks, because this moment will blow you away! I got a phone call from Brandon at work, telling me that a large portion of the bill will most likely be removed.
I had wracked my brain thinking of ways to make money, think of things to cut out, how to cut back, and God decided to take a large portion of the bills away.
We still owe a lot of money (co-pays, deductibles, co-insurances, and credit card bills from paying out of pocket expenses all summer for Brandon's care and medications), but praise be to God, it's not $100 grand like it was!!!
**Update from the original post: I want to add that we covet your continued prayers over this situation. Please join with us as we trust the Lord in taking care of our finances because we know that this is His handiwork and we believe He wants to take care of the bills. We will continue to update as the Lord provides and I will add back the most amazing part of this story once things are finalized.
God's timing is perfect.
See, we would have never come to trust Him as we've done over the past year if we hadn't lived these moments. We would not have grown closer together and experienced true desperation, fear, and joy as a couple if the story were any different. We would not be the people we are today - stronger, more humble, more gracious - if we had lived easier, more simple moments. Our faith would not have been tested and grown if our 2014 had been different than it was.
James 1:2-4 says this: Consider it pure joy, my brothers,
whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the
testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish
its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Its hard to think about me jumping for joy when my husband was undergoing major surgery, or when we get medical bills in the mail EVERY DAY, but I know this: we're not the same people we were. And Romans 5:3 says Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
It was definitely a character building year.
I cried, and I prayed, and I begged God for help. I also experienced the most supernatural calm I can't begin to explain. We had an army of friends - near and far - lifting us up in prayer, and we are so grateful for each and every one of you. While we rejoice at the close of 2014, our eyes are turned expectantly to 2015 and we are taking what we learned this past year and with the best of intentions, are trying to launch our best selves forward into our new world.
We know that the best year of our lives is ahead of us. So long, 2014, we're getting off your roller coaster and embracing 2015 with open arms.
Happy New Year, friends. Oh I'm so happy its a new year!
Monday, November 17, 2014
Raw
Over the last year, I feel as though I've been stretched and grown more than I have been in a long time. I've also felt more self-aware and in tune with what I'm feeling and how God is speaking to me.
One thing I've been trying to put my finger on is a feeling that I've had over the last few weeks. See, I have close friends who have recently had miscarriages. I have friends whose marriages are struggling and rocky. I have friends recently diagnosed with cancer. I have friends dealing with loss, and one of my friends was just given the news that the doctors have nothing more they can do for her mom, who is dying with cancer.
I've cried tears - at times doing the "ugly cry" - for these friends. My heart aches. My mind can't stop thinking about how they're hurting. My thoughts run into prayers and my prayers into begging. I feel exposed and vulnerable... raw.
My heart feels raw with the hurt I feel for these friends. It stings to think about them again... because, well, I'm raw. I want so desperately to ease their hurt, to ease their fears, to come up with the right words.
The verse that comes to mind is Lamentations 3:22-23:
"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."
Because while I can't bring back those precious babies, or take the cancer away, or heal the hurt, God won't allow us to be consumed. It won't ever be too much. It might feel like too much at times, but as dark as it seems, morning always comes, and with morning comes new mercies!
To my sweet girlfriends who have experienced loss in a way that breaks my heart, hold on loves, God is cradling you in His arms and asking you to let Him comfort you and be strength supernatural.
To my dear friend whose mom is sick and facing death, find rest in Him. He knows that this feels like too much to bear, but the beauty in this tragedy is that He is molding you and shaping you to endure whatever this long road may entail. You are stronger than you realize, and you are loved more than you know. Your friends cry tears of sorrow and anguish for you, and we are begging God for mercy on your behalf.
To my friends with rocky marriages, with despair in your hearts and sadness in your eyes, lean on Him, for He will direct your paths. Christ intends for us to have life and life abundantly so seek His guidance in restoring your love for one another.
Oh friends, my cheeks are wet with tears once again, as I feel hopeless to help. I hope I can adequately put feet to my emotions, because I desperately want to walk with you during your time of pain, of sorrow, or of grief.
Maybe one day, this won't feel so raw.
One thing I've been trying to put my finger on is a feeling that I've had over the last few weeks. See, I have close friends who have recently had miscarriages. I have friends whose marriages are struggling and rocky. I have friends recently diagnosed with cancer. I have friends dealing with loss, and one of my friends was just given the news that the doctors have nothing more they can do for her mom, who is dying with cancer.
I've cried tears - at times doing the "ugly cry" - for these friends. My heart aches. My mind can't stop thinking about how they're hurting. My thoughts run into prayers and my prayers into begging. I feel exposed and vulnerable... raw.
My heart feels raw with the hurt I feel for these friends. It stings to think about them again... because, well, I'm raw. I want so desperately to ease their hurt, to ease their fears, to come up with the right words.
The verse that comes to mind is Lamentations 3:22-23:
"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."
Because while I can't bring back those precious babies, or take the cancer away, or heal the hurt, God won't allow us to be consumed. It won't ever be too much. It might feel like too much at times, but as dark as it seems, morning always comes, and with morning comes new mercies!
To my sweet girlfriends who have experienced loss in a way that breaks my heart, hold on loves, God is cradling you in His arms and asking you to let Him comfort you and be strength supernatural.
To my dear friend whose mom is sick and facing death, find rest in Him. He knows that this feels like too much to bear, but the beauty in this tragedy is that He is molding you and shaping you to endure whatever this long road may entail. You are stronger than you realize, and you are loved more than you know. Your friends cry tears of sorrow and anguish for you, and we are begging God for mercy on your behalf.
To my friends with rocky marriages, with despair in your hearts and sadness in your eyes, lean on Him, for He will direct your paths. Christ intends for us to have life and life abundantly so seek His guidance in restoring your love for one another.
Oh friends, my cheeks are wet with tears once again, as I feel hopeless to help. I hope I can adequately put feet to my emotions, because I desperately want to walk with you during your time of pain, of sorrow, or of grief.
Maybe one day, this won't feel so raw.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Post Hospital Update
We are a week and a half post hospital stay. Home has never been sweeter and never felt so good to Brandon. I would say that other than the patches of hair missing from his arms from where the iv tape ripped it out, he's like his old self, but that just wouldn't be true.
He stands up a little slower, turns a little more gingerly, and has to stop and rest often. He's very aware of the incision that sits right at belt level on his stomach and we quickly became paranoid about any sudden movements the boys made while near Brandon. He's also quickly become quite joyful at the fact that he can eat and isn't in monstrous pain anymore. In fact, just the other day he said to me "hey babe... I think that in a couple of weeks I'm gonna feel like a million bucks!"
Praise. The. Lord!
He has a follow-up appointment in a few weeks with the surgeon, and then one with a new GI doc to talk about a plan for managing the Crohn's. Until that time, he is to pay close attention to what his body can and cannot tolerate, and his only "real" restriction is that he cannot lift more than 10 pounds.
He has had minimal pain and nausea since we've been home and we are so grateful because we've heard stories of quite the opposite. He tires easily and this is very frustrating to him, since he feels better than before, yet his body is still limiting him in what he can do. He gains stamina and strength each day and I can tell he has improved tremendously since discharge day.
We have been showered in love, and prayer, and blessings through this entire ordeal. We have run into people around town who tell us they've been praying for us, had meals paid for, enjoyed delicious dinners, and received generous gifts. Perhaps the best gift of all has been knowing how loved we are and how our God has carefully held us in the palm of His hand through the last month.
I can't seem to find the words to say thank you, but please know, that the sincerest breathe of thanks is on our lips at all times. We felt our community swell up around us and shelter us in our time of need. I think some of you cried my tears and prayed my prayers so that I wouldn't have to bear it alone. Thank you.
He stands up a little slower, turns a little more gingerly, and has to stop and rest often. He's very aware of the incision that sits right at belt level on his stomach and we quickly became paranoid about any sudden movements the boys made while near Brandon. He's also quickly become quite joyful at the fact that he can eat and isn't in monstrous pain anymore. In fact, just the other day he said to me "hey babe... I think that in a couple of weeks I'm gonna feel like a million bucks!"
Praise. The. Lord!
He has a follow-up appointment in a few weeks with the surgeon, and then one with a new GI doc to talk about a plan for managing the Crohn's. Until that time, he is to pay close attention to what his body can and cannot tolerate, and his only "real" restriction is that he cannot lift more than 10 pounds.
He has had minimal pain and nausea since we've been home and we are so grateful because we've heard stories of quite the opposite. He tires easily and this is very frustrating to him, since he feels better than before, yet his body is still limiting him in what he can do. He gains stamina and strength each day and I can tell he has improved tremendously since discharge day.
We have been showered in love, and prayer, and blessings through this entire ordeal. We have run into people around town who tell us they've been praying for us, had meals paid for, enjoyed delicious dinners, and received generous gifts. Perhaps the best gift of all has been knowing how loved we are and how our God has carefully held us in the palm of His hand through the last month.
I can't seem to find the words to say thank you, but please know, that the sincerest breathe of thanks is on our lips at all times. We felt our community swell up around us and shelter us in our time of need. I think some of you cried my tears and prayed my prayers so that I wouldn't have to bear it alone. Thank you.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Day 11 Hospital Update
Can you believe Brandon has been in the hospital for 11 days?! That's crazy! I have frequently asked myself over the last 11 days "is this real life?!" because I can hardly believe that this is our reality.
But yall... Brandon is doing so good!
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His IV line was disconnected (but left in just in case), his pain ball was removed (a snazzy little contraption that was delivering additional pain medication thru a tiny little tube into his stomach right at the surgery site), he's eating food - real food! - and he's walking laps around the nurses' station! Oh, and he's showered and dressed too!
So far so good... and this may be TMI but once things get a movin' and a groovin' through his system (if ya know what I mean), then the surgeon is going to evaluate and he might get to go home!
We are thriiiiiilled at the possibility of him coming home this week! He misses the boys something fierce and I know we'll all sleep better once we're together again! Plus, we're kind of over this whole hospital experience. I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone has been great. Even the housekeeper (Hannah) stopped me in the hall today and said she missed getting to see me yesterday and wanted to know if I had a good day (yeah - we bonded!). But seriously, I won't miss these things:
But yall... Brandon is doing so good!
His IV line was disconnected (but left in just in case), his pain ball was removed (a snazzy little contraption that was delivering additional pain medication thru a tiny little tube into his stomach right at the surgery site), he's eating food - real food! - and he's walking laps around the nurses' station! Oh, and he's showered and dressed too!
So far so good... and this may be TMI but once things get a movin' and a groovin' through his system (if ya know what I mean), then the surgeon is going to evaluate and he might get to go home!
We are thriiiiiilled at the possibility of him coming home this week! He misses the boys something fierce and I know we'll all sleep better once we're together again! Plus, we're kind of over this whole hospital experience. I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone has been great. Even the housekeeper (Hannah) stopped me in the hall today and said she missed getting to see me yesterday and wanted to know if I had a good day (yeah - we bonded!). But seriously, I won't miss these things:
- sleeping on a "chair/bed" aka a piece of plywood with plether stretched over it that converts into a "sleeping" surface
- fixing my hair in the hospital room
- pumping in the hospital room (and just finally not caring if a nurse or NA walked in while I pumped)
- trying to figure out how to keep said breastmilk cold for extended periods of time after I pumped and before I would get to go home again
- watching my hubby be in pain
- watching my hubby worry
- having to pay to park to visit my husband
- worrying about how the boys are doing not seeing their daddy
- worrying about how the boys will do seeing their daddy in the hospital
- worrying about my hubby while I'm with the boys
- freaking out about germs while being in the hospital
- worrying about work while in the hospital
- worrying about irritating people with my updates
- worrying about imposing on people and accepting copious amounts of help from my friends
Pray with us for discharge from the hospital soon! Continue to pray for no complications and no infection as well.
In other news, this video made Brandon's day. By the time I got to the hospital today, he had shown all the nurses :)
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