What little Aiden made me thankful for

I thought it appropriate to write about being thankful since tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. I'm thankful for this healthy, happy family I am lucky enough to call my own. The best way I can illustrate my thankfulness is through a story...

Last thursday was the annual Children's Promise Radiothon to raise money for the NC Children's Hospital. During the Radiothon, different country artists perform and visit with some of the children in the hospital. Jason Michael Carroll is an artist who comes every year and he's a fairly big name country star so I look forward to his performance each year. This year, I had been on my feet since 4:15am and his performance was at 3:00pm so when I arrived in the lobby, I looked for a seat. There was one row of 5 chairs at the back of the seating where 4 of the seats were empty, and one seat was taken by a mother holding a tiny baby boy who was hooked up to an IV pole. His wagon and IV pole were beside the mother. I sat in the chair on the far end. As I looked at her, something strange came over me and feeling like someone else had taken over my body, I scooted one chair closer and asked the mother "How old is your baby?" "Aiden is 18 months" she replied and we began to talk, me about my new baby and she, about her 18 month journey with the tiny boy who was over a year older than my son, yet the same size, and not nearly as advanced as Paxton. "How long have you been in the hospital?" I asked her. "This time..." and after a pause and thinking about her answer she replied "3 months." I felt the tears surging toward my eyes and I struggled to push them away. She told me that she found herself in NC because in Florida, where she's from, there are only 2 nephrologists in the whole state, and since Aiden is in kidney failure, she packed her life up and moved to where the best help could be found. Little Aiden has cerebal palsy and is weighed daily, because once he reaches 20 pounds, he can become eligible for a kidney transplant.

After talking with Aiden's mom for 15 minutes or so, Jason Michael Carroll made his way to the stage to sing but I could barely hear through the tears that threatened to flood my face. All I could think about was how Aiden had made me so overwhelmingly grateful for my healthy, happy baby. Not that I wasn't grateful before, but Aiden made me realize just how lucky I am and how different things could be.

Kiss your children a little more tonight and watch them while they sleep, and count yourself blessed that you spent the last 3 months at home, and not in the hospital. Pray for Aiden and his mommy, because if it were me, I know I would need showers of prayer to get through that trial.

Thank you, Aiden, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Paxton's almost 3 months old!

Whoa! Scuse me? I'm looking for the past 3 months... yes, could you help me find them because apparently they DISAPPEARED! Yes, cheesy or not, I cannot believe that my little baby will be three months old in a week! 12 weeks ago exactly I was laying in a hospital bed cuddling my baby boy for the first time and I made the mistake of blinking because suddenly here we are, 3 months later. My mom told me not to blink because it goes by so quickly and she was right.

To update you, since apparently blogging as a mommy is much more difficult than blogging with no kid (due to my strong desire to spend every waking moment with Paxton, not concerned with whether the sun rises or sets, I ever brush my teeth, or I blog another post... ok, I'm joking, I still brush my teeth), here are the stats on my sweet baby boy. Pax is, as of his 2 month appointment- which was actually when he was 10 weeks old-, 14lbs 9ozs. Yes, I did just tell you that my almost 3 month old is almost 15 pounds. And yes, that is VERY heavy for an almost 3 month old. And yes, I can almost not pick him up anymore. Kidding. But seriously, this kid is built like a linebacker... which, by the way, I hope he never is because I can't stand the thought of my baby getting hurt. So Paxton, if you are reading this is 2020 or at some time thereafter, please choose soccer or basketball or golf or baseball as your sport of choice. I know, I know, kids get hurt in all of those sports but in football, kids break their necks. Literally. If I had time, I would find the story I just recently saw on the news of a highschooler who broke his neck in football practice. Eeek! Not my kid, LORD, not my kid!

Anywho, back to the hoss (is that how you spell that?). We basically skipped 3 month onesies. I mean, he wore a few, but he's seriously sporting 6 month clothes. omg. Where did my tiny baby go? In other news, I can carry him on my hip like a toddler sometimes (I usually don't since I want to craddle him like the baby he is) and his hair is growing back on top. He sports 2 of the cutest chins I've ever seen... yeah a double chin and his cheeks are super fat and pinchable.

Learning to laugh

So I thought I would share with you a sweet sweet video of my baby boy trying to laugh and in doing so I started thinking about life a little... First things first... here's the video:

How many times in life are we encouraged to try something new, something we aren't quite sure about, and then praised no matter what the outcome is? Every time Paxton tries to laugh and doesn't quite figure it out, I just laugh and encourage him to keep trying. I thought about my mom when I saw this video, because my mom always encouraged me to do anything I put my mind to. In fact, she would tell me that I COULD do it, I was CAPABLE, that I WOULD accomplish that thing, whatever it may be. Thanks to my mom, I've accomplished a lot in my short life. I never knew just how valuable that encouragement was until I had Paxton. Now I find myself encouraging him constantly... even though these things are about learning to talk, learning to smile, learning to stand, learning to laugh.

So if you've been doubting yourself lately, let me encourage you, too... because I know you can... learn to laugh.

A coincidence? I say a miracle =)

So a while back I posted about us going through something that I was trusting God to handle. Well, that something was a financial struggle. The church always seems to see a decline in the summer and this summer was particularly tough. Tadd finaly came to the staff and asked if they would consider taking no paychecks or half paychecks. I wasn't too worried about it, even with a baby on the way, because I knew we were faithful in our finances and that we wouldn't starve. Well, one month turned into two, turned into three, into four. Here we are in October still talking about half paychecks, if we're lucky to get one at all. Last week was really the first week I started to worry. Why did I even start to worry in the first place? I know not to doubt God's mighty power yet I still let a dark corner of doubt creep into the back of my mind. However, just when I let that happen, God clapped His hands and said, "Here, child, trust Me. Let me show you just how I roll." (Maybe God doesn't say "roll", maybe He does =). I found out at work that day that we were just approved for our employee incentive program- a bonus- and our market increase- a raise. I don't know yet if I am one of the job classes that will have their salary raised to market BUT I also realized something else that day. In September, it just so happens to work out that I get 3 paychecks (because there are 5 Wednesdays) and on the 3rd paycheck, insurance costs are not taken out of my check. The amount of the extra salary from not taking out the benefits pay for insurance plus my bonus happens to equal Brandon's paycheck that we aren't getting. I'm talking within a hundred dollars. God is good. He said to let Him do His thang and boy did He! That'll teach me to waver!! Geez! So, don't worry, we aren't going hungry this month and the bills are all getting paid. Don't ship us to the poorhouse just yet =)

Bathtime!

Paxton's expressions during bathtime crack me up... enjoy! =)
Oh, and I'm not sure how to blur out his little "wee-wee" so beware that this is uncensored! =)

My sweet baby boy

I thought I would share some of the pictures of my sweet angel baby. These are only the pictures from my phone so stay tuned for the ones from my camera later =)

This is one of the first pictures of my sweet baby boy. He is hanging out in his bassinet.

Paxton had to go under the (tanning bed) lights while we were in the hospital...

We could only take him out from under the lights for a few minutes and this is Daddy trying to calm him down since he didn't like being naked in the bassient by himself...So... we ended up having to hold him and put the light over both of us in the bed!

Paxton's first car ride!Grandma is completely in love =)Pax was napping one day and Brandon and I saw that he had raised his arm in his sleep and his sleeve stayed like that the rest of the time he slept! Too cute!!Uncle Josh holding Paxton... Josh says he can't wait til Pax is big enough to play ball =)
Mommy and Paxton! I love his eyes!

He loves tummy time! Here he's holding his little rear end up in the air and using his strong strong legs!=)He was able to hold his head up like this very early on... he was only 3 weeks old here...Tummy time still... isn't his expression adorable?!He was sporting his super cute BabyGap pants here and fell asleep like this during dinner...He seems fascinated with the animals on his swing! Too cute!

Paxton Bennett is here!

I guess since its been over a month since he was born, I ought to go ahead and announce it on my blog: Paxton Bennett Delk is here!! I want to write my birth story partly for those who read my blog but mostly so I don't forget any bit of the experience of the entrance of my first child into this world. So here goes...

I was due August 1st, 2010 and everyone my entire pregnancy told me there was "no way I'd make it to August." I agreed with them all. I thought I was huge already by July so the thought of going another month was just awful. Not to mention, at one of my ultrasounds I was told that if he went to his due date he would mostly likely be an 8.5 or 9 pound baby. O-M-G. I was freeeeaking out at the thought of birthing that big of a baby. Thursday July 29th, I started having contractions, or what I thought might be contractions. They weren't coming at regular intervals and stopped after a while. August 1st was a Sunday this year and my mom's birthday is July 30th. She's been asking me my whole pregnancy to have the baby on her birthday because it would be the best birthday present ever. I told her I would do what I could =) Well, my mom and brother came to visit us (since we couldn't travel that close to my due date) for her birthday and they got here on Friday, July 30th and totally expected to be spending the weekend in the hospital for the birth of her grandson and his nephew. Friday night we ate at Olive Garden for Mom's birthday and then went to Dairy Queen for blizzards, YUM! No baby. Saturday night I started having contractions and we all got really excited because we thought all the walking we did while shopping that day might have put me into labor. I sat in the nursery in the glider where I would soon rock my child and we timed the contractions. They hurt, but compared to what was to come, they were nothing. Mom suggested I go to bed to try and get some sleep in case I was going into labor. When I went to bed, I was able to go to sleep and woke up very, very disappointed. We went to church and I answered a hundred times, that "yes, I do look like I'm due any day, because I AM due TODAY!" Then we went to eat at a stir-fry restaurant where you create your own stir-fry and I put in chili powder, hot sauce, and cayenne pepper... yes, I was trying the old wives tale out that if you eat spicy foods, you'll go into labor. It didn't work. Mom and Josh left and went back to Virginia. I was so disappointed but then I told Brandon that if I didn't go into labor that week that I wanted to ask the doctor if he would induce me the following Sunday night so that I would most likely have the baby on Monday, August 9th or as Brandon and I were thinking of it; 8-9-10. What a cool birthday that would have been.

Well I went to bed Sunday night so disappointed and woke up with a start Monday morning at 7:16 from a painful contraction. I caught my breath, afraid to get too excited but knowing that was a true contraction. I waited a few minutes and tried to go back to sleep, only to have another contraction 7 minutes later. Then 7 more minutes passed and I had another contraction. At that point, we were too excited to lay in bed anymore. I told Brandon I was going to get in the shower and he started packing his bag for the hospital. We started making phone calls and I called Mom to let her know I was having contractions but that we weren't going to the hospital yet because the contractions were only around 7 minutes apart and about 60-70 seconds long. Then they started to come around 6 minutes apart. Brittney got to our house around 9 and helped me straighten my hair. Around 10am, I called my doctor's office and asked what I should do. She said that if I had been having contractions anywhere between 5-7 minutes apart for more than an hour, that I needed to go to the hospital. I asked if I could eat anything because I didn't feel like eating at first, but by this time I was starving and knew I would need some energy for labor. I was told not to eat. I had been having them for 3 hours so we finished packing and loaded up the car. We arrived at the hospital around 10:35, checked in through the emergency room, and were taken right up to the Labor and Delivery Unit and put in a large room. I got changed into a gown and got settled into the bed. My nurse, Kelly, came in and put the monitors on me, one to measure my contractions, and one to monitor the baby's heartbeat. She checked to see if I was dilated and I was dilated to 2 centimeters. Bummer. I was disappointed it wasn't more than that. Then the waiting game began. My contractions weren't coming very regularly but when they did come, they were off the chart on the print out. Mom and Josh arrived BACK from Virginia, cameras and overnight bags in hand. Mom did some work while we waited and then Kelly came in and said that I should try walking around for a little bit and that the baby wasn't quite responding to contractions like she wanted. This was a little scary to hear but she said that there wasn't anything to be concerned about just yet. When she took the monitors off and fixed my gown so I could walk, she said "Ok, see you back here in an hour." An HOUR?! Wow, ok... I started walking. The L&D unit and the new mother unit both went in a loop and Brittney, Brandon and I started walking in circles. An hour passed and my contractions didn't seem any stronger or more consistent. After I got back from walking, Kelly checked and I was only dilated about a half a centimeter more. Around 2:30 the midwife on call came to ultrasound me to try and "find a reason to induce me." I liked that thinking. I was excited and ready to have a baby. No reason to induce so they told me I "could stay and see if things picked up, or go home and be more comfortable while labor progressed, if it did that day." I talked it over with Brandon and we felt that because I was given the option to go home, that I should. I was worried about the extra cost of that visit and the fact that Mom and Josh had both taken a day off work AND driven AGAIN from Virginia (they hadn't even been in VA for 24 hours yet!) but I knew that the nurse and the midwife thought I should leave, so we did. I was told I could eat something but only light food in the event that my contractions picked up later. We left the hospital around 4:15 and went to O'Charley's because I wanted their potato soup and rolls. After we ate, we went home and changed into t-shirts, shorts and tennis shoes because I wanted to walk this baby out. It was roughly 97 degrees but Brittney, Brandon, Mom, Josh and I all started walking. We walked a mile through the neighborhood, and I had to go inside for some water and because my stomach was upset. I was excited about that because I had read and heard that when you go into labor, your body tries to clean itself out first. I sat down on the big exercise ball that we had bought specifically for my pregnancy and Brittney massaged my back for a while. Then Drill Sgt Bowen and Drill Sgt Delk said it was time to walk again =) Brandon and Brittney definitely pushed me to keep going. Every time I got a contraction I would slow down and I would feel a hand on my back pushing me forward. My contractions were DEFINITELY stronger. After mile number 2, I needed another bottle of water and to sit down again. We were all sweating and I was having some very strong contractions. Mom was timing the length and frequency of the contractions on her phone and they were getting longer and closer together the more we walked. Then it was time to walk again. We walked another mile and I was about to fall over from the contractions. I was in some serious pain. I looked at my family and said that I thought it was time to go but that I didn't want to make the same mistake twice. I wasn't going to the hospital until I was ABSOLUTELY sure I was in labor.

We decided to get showered and everyone (except for me) was hungry so Brandon and Josh ran out to Sonic to get something to eat. I got in the shower and kept yelling out when each contraction would begin and end so Mom and Brittney could keep track of how long and how often they were coming. I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes for about 70-90 seconds each. In the shower, I would quickly try to wash between contractions because when a contraction would hit, I could barely stand. It took forever to shower because I had to stop washing when a contraction came and by the end of it, I was crying. I needed help getting out of the shower and drying off and when Brandon got me dried off, I just stood there and cried while he held me. The tears were a mixture of "oh my gosh, this hurts so bad" and "Oh my gosh, do I have it in me to do this?" and "oh my gosh, I get to meet my son soon!" I gathered myself together after a few minutes and got dressed. Then while everyone else frantically tried to scarf down the food Brandon and Josh had brought back, Brittney straightened my hair- because even though I was in "near-death" pain every 3 minutes, I was still thinking clearly enough to know that pictures would be taken =) Once my hair was straightened, we got in the car and raced to the hospital. I wasn't sure I'd make it there. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was in labor and that I was dilated more than a 2. We got in the ER and were getting checked in when I started to have a contraction. I semi-freaked out because I didn't want to have a contraction in front of the waiting room full of strange people. Brittney wheeled me to the side and they got me into the triage room real quick. Now I knew that when I came to the hospital earlier that morning that those contractions were about a 5 on the pain scale and that THESE contractions were a 9 or 10. We got put in a room on the L&D unit and my new nurse put the monitors on me and checked me. I was dilated to a 4. She asked if I wanted something for pain and I said "yes, please." Everyone had asked me throughout my pregnancy if I was going to have an epidural and I had said that I was going to decide when I was going into labor because if I thought I could do it without pain meds I would, but I also knew I wanted to "enjoy" giving birth to my first baby and that I wanted to have more than 1 child so I figured that if I needed an epidural, I would get one. Part of me wanted to do it without one because my mom did, but then someone told me something that made me feel better about deciding to get an epidural. They told me that no one comes to the hospital with a trophy or a medal if you give birth without an epidural. So, my nurse put an IV in my arm and gave me some pain medication and I INSTANTLY felt much better... and quite loopy. Apparently I said some funny things according to Brandon and Brittney. I wasn't loopy for long and the pain medicine didn't help the contractions as much as I first thought so I asked for an epidural. The anesthesiologist came in and I wasn't even scared. I've never been scared of needles but everyone tells you how big the epidural needle is but I didn't even think a thought about it. I was concentrating on not moving while he was inserting a needle into my back and looking forward to not feeling like my ab muscles were being ripped from my body. After my epidural, I could barely feel the contractions. I still felt the movement of them, but I didn't feel the pain anymore. They started me on pitocin so that I would dilate more and put a catheter in (because they said that I wouldn't be able to feel when my bladder was full). I was scared to have a catheter but they assured me I wouldn't be able to feel it. My nurse suggested we all get settled in and try to get some sleep while the pitocin did its job so my mom slept in one chair, Joan in another, and Brandon slept on the little couch in the room. Brittney and Josh were camped out in the waiting room.

It was about midnight at this point and I tried to sleep but I could feel my catheter the whole time and it felt like my bladder was very full and I couldn't empty it. I finally pushed the call button and asked my nurse, Sandra, to come check my catheter. She said that it was draining fine and checked and I was dilated to an 8 at this point. I was so excited and still felt uncomfortable from the catheter so I definitely couldn't sleep now. I waited a little longer and pushed the call button again because I thought my water broke. It hadn't and this time, I was dilated to a 9 and the nurse said she was going to get the midwife to come in and see if she could break my water. The midwife came in and broke my water and when she did, she saw that there was meconium in it. This is a fancy term for "the baby pooped in the womb." Once the midwife saw this, she told us that "this changes things a little bit" and continued to explain to us that when the baby is born, she would have to clamp and cut the cord so they could suction him right away before he cried so he wouldn't breathe any of the meconium into his lungs. She said that a team of pediatricians would be standing by to make sure that he was breathing ok. I don't recall internalizing this information very much at the time because afterwards Brandon told me how nervous he was but I think I was focused more on other things. After the midwife broke my water, she asked if I felt like I had to push. I wasn't really sure at that point but I was ready to go and I tried pushing. Once I finally got the hang of it- for those of you who have had kids, you know that it takes a few tries and some coaching to really get the feel for pushing the right way- I was really feeling the urge to push and I was feeling very very awake for it being 4:00 in the morning. I was a little nervous because I could move my legs and feel them and I thought that with an epidural I wouldn't be able to. Then once I started pushing, I could feel pain and I was very scared. I kept saying "I can't believe how much it hurts with an epidural!" The midwife kept telling me "its just pressure you feel." I didn't believe her. Why? Because I'm 26 years old and I've lived in this body for that long and I know the difference between "pressure" and "pain." Let me tell you... I was in some PAIN. The epidural blocked the contractions, but not the pain when I started to deliver. Every time I pushed, I freaked out because it hurt so bad. And by freaked out I mean panic attacked/hyperventilated. After the first few pushes, I looked at Brandon and made him promise to help me not hyperventilate. After about 15-20 minutes, the midwife, nurse, and Brandon could see his head crowning. There was a certain point I remember thinking "I'm in so much pain I don't know that I can do this but there is no turning back... no... turning... back..." I felt so hopeless. I honestly wasn't sure how I could survive being in that much pain. During each push my nurse would count to 10 and coach me to push for that long and then take a quick breath and push again. It was very helpful and soothing to hear "1, 2, 3,4 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10." However, on the other hand, my midwife made me feel like a nervous wreck. She said things like "Its just like a freight train coming through there" and "Its like pushing a bowling ball out of you." Those comments made me so mad. Every time she would say something stupid like that, I would purposely grunt/breathe loudly to try and drown her annoying voice out. I'm not being mean, I'm just telling how I felt at the time. All those pushes when his head would crown, either the nurse or the midwife would rub/massage the area around it and that was so terribly painful because you see, I had a "partial block" which means that my epidural blocked only part of the pain. All of my contractions were blocked, but when I started pushing, I could feel everything from the hips down. I wish it had been the other way around. I mean, obviously I wish the epidural had worked like it was supposed to but if I had to choose, I would have suffered through the contractions to have not felt the pain I felt while pushing my son out. At some point Brandon started to gag because he couldn't stand to see me in so much pain. I remember semi-freaking out and telling him to go ahead and throw up to get it over with because I wasn't going to be able to deal with him vomiting while I was pushing. The midwife had him sit down and Brandon's mom came to hold my leg- the one Brandon had been holding. I'll leave out the gruesome details but the long and short of the delivery is that I felt myself start to tear and I knew I couldn't handle the pain any longer so I gave one last big push and pushed Paxton out all at once. Every birth video I'd watched showed the head being birthed and then suctioning the baby's nose and then the doctor or midwife helping to birth the shoulders. Not so with me. I pushed him out all at once. I could not even believe the amount of pain I'd just endured. In fact, I didn't even realize that the midwife had placed Paxton on my stomach while she clamped and cut the cord. When I did realize it, I reached out to touch him but he was being whisked away to be suctioned and tended to by the pediatrician. Because Paxton started to cry right away, Brandon was overcome with fear because the midwife had told us they needed to suction him before he cried to ensure that no meconium got into his lungs. Brandon buried his face into the white towel someone had given him and when I regained some sense of what was going on again, I realized this and that Joan was being led to sit down and someone was asking for a Sprite for her. She was sick because of seeing me tear. Now to put this into perspective, Joan has been a nurse for 28 years. She doesn't get sick over gruesome things, but this apparently did the trick. I was not comforted at all because I knew things had not gone the way they "should" have during the delivery.

I didn't get to hold my baby for what seemed like an eternity because he was across the room with the pediatrician and I was being stitched back together. When I finally did get to hold my Paxton Bennett, I cried... and cried... and cried. And cried some more. I counted his fingers. I looked into his sweet, sweet dark eyes. I ran my hand over his soft head of hair. I spent the next hour or so talking to my sweet boy and telling him how much I loved him and how I couldn't believe he was here. I was completely and utterly in love. I think I literally felt my heart swell with love for my newborn son.

Some of the details I didn't mention above but that are so vital to my birth story are these:

My mom fed me ice chips while I pushed because I felt like a cotton ball had been stuffed into my mouth. Joan, my mother-in-law, took pictures of the entire event. Brittney, my sister-in-law, manned the video camera. My brother came in after I was put back together and decent and took some incredible pictures, which I will post after this. My midwife asked 3 times throughout my labor and delivery what we were going to name the baby. Needless to say, the third time around we realized she really wasn't listening to us. In the hours and days after my delivery, I had an amazing experience in the hospital. The nurses were absolutely on top of their game and I felt so taken care of while I was there. The pediatric team was also wonderful. Paxton was jaundiced and had to go under the "tanning bed lights" but screamed his little head off when he was placed in the bassinet in just his diaper and his goggles. It was so pitiful that the nurse finally told me to scoot to the edge of the bed and hold him in my lap and she put the lights over top of both of us. Brandon changed Paxton's diapers in the hospital and did a great job. Brandon also was a machine for the first week of Paxton's life. He sacrificed so much to take care of me and Paxton. He didn't hardly sleep and was busy running here and there getting me what I needed since I couldn't hardly get out of bed. Brandon was amazing and I couldn't have done it without him. He encouraged me, he waited on me, he was loving to me, and he was so patient with him. I am so lucky to have 2 amazing boys.

Paxton was born at 4:34am on August 3rd, 2010 and weighed 7 lbs 7 ozs and was 21.5 inches long. When we left the hospital he had lost 7 ounces and then weighed 7.1 at his first doctor's appointment. He was born with medium brown hair and was very alert for his first hours out of the womb. He is such a good baby and mostly only cries when wet, hungry, or if he wants to be held.

I will post more pictures later.

Since I may have left out some details and this is so important to me to remember, I will edit this post as I recall details I don't want to forget so if you come back and read this later, I may have added some things.